Year: 2007

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Doesn’t it seem like certain foods, fruits in particular, have a class association with them? Here’s what I mean by that: Apples: A good, standard fruit, The working man’s fruit. Apples appeal to the common man as well as to ideals, possibly owing to their dubious Biblical connections in Genesis. A damn fine fruit. Avacadoes:…

In all likelihood, the BMW-owning yuppie fucktard that ordered this plate meant it to imply SLEEP WITH ME. But is that really what he meant? I can think of a few other translations and I’m sure you can, too. SLeeP WiTh MainE SLaP WhiTe MicE ScaLloPs With TiME Sea Lions Pay Willingly To Mount Emus…

“Is that your wife? Does she know you’ve been sacked?” “Oh yeah, baby! Do it to me like you did in prison. That’s it! Right there.” “Hey, get off that phone! We got more work to do. This bank ain’t gonna rob itself!” “Dude is that, my wife’s lingerie you’re wearing?” “Oh my God! You…

Dear WORLD, U ar in a lot of troubel with me!!! I have had it for the last time and this is the last straw. My Mom put me in timeout agen! No way.!! So I made use of the time 2 make my Master Plan of Escape and also a Super Wepon of Destructshun.…

Well, would ya look at that! Uh oh, that is not supposed to happen. Christ, better get out the book. Does this hurt? No? That doesn’t hurt. You’re kidding, I hit it with a hammer. Have the folks at Guinness Book of World Records been in touch? They probably have a section for … these…

It was Christmas Eve and I was five years old. Me: “Mom?” Mom: “Yes, honey?” Me: “This package says it’s from Santa.” Mom: “It is! What did you ask him for?” Me: “I don’t know. But it looks like your writing.” Mom: “Uhhh, yes he asked me to write it for him.” Me: “Hmph.” Christmas…