Year: 2005

Bouncer for a Viking Menstrual Hut Wife of Henry VIII Orca Orthodontist at Sea World Wickerman tester Target Changer for the Blind Rifleman’s Association Belfast cab driver Ethiopian Ambassador to Mississipi Catnip grower in India Poison taster for warning labels President of the Ashlee Simpson Fan Club Horticulturist in Chernobyl viagra free viagra buy viagra…

My 41st birthday is this Sunday. They say the mind is the first thing to go. For me, the mind is not the first thing to go. it will be my sense of smell. Four years ago I had a neighbor that reeked so powerfully of God knows what that I thought I had smelled…

Swann’s Way — Marcel Proust “I just can’t fall asleep.” Lo! — Charles Fort “It’s raining cats and frogs.” Mists of Avalon — Marion Zimmer Bradley “Ew! With your own brother?” The Prophet — Kahlil Gibran “You’re all just lazy peasants.” The DaVinci Code — Dan Brown “Fine. Blame Leonardo for everything.” Angela’s Ashes —…

I had the stupidest dream of my life last night. In the dream, my best friend was Corey Feldman. All of my friends at work kept teasing me for hanging out with him, but I kept defending Corey. “You just don’t know him like I do. He’s a great guy in person. He’s honest and…

[ Scene: Coffeehouse counter, two 9th grade girls are flirting with the barista, a man as gay as a French Horn ] Girl #1: “Can you believe this? She [ points to Girl #2 ] isn’t even wearing underpants and it’s like um, fucking minus a hundred?” Girl #2: “I fuckin’ never wear panties. Shit,…