Complete this sentence #21

08 April, 2005Posted inObservations42 Comments
Losing your Internet cable connection is worse than being ________ by a _______ .viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample what…

I do the Ben Stiller site

07 April, 2005Posted inObservations22 Comments
I met someone at the coffeehouse today who claimed to know me. HIM: "You do the websites, right buddy?" ME: "Yes, I do." HIM: "Yeah, I heard about you. You do that funny site with the monkeys and clown-devil things." ME: "Nnnnnnoooooo. That doesn't sound like anything I've done." HIM: "Don't you that Ben Stiller site?" ME: "Davezilla." HIM: "OK. I gotcha now. Yeah, you had the calendar. Didn't they pay you, and now I bet you retire, huh?" ME: "Well it wasn't that much money." HIM: "I tell ya what. I can sell your calendar door to door, see.…

Worst roommate ever

06 April, 2005Posted inObservations45 Comments
Write about Worst roommate ever here. This man is quite simply the worst roommate in history. His requirements for a roommate are so severe and exacting, that he makes the perfect target for nonstop torture. Read his requirements, then after beating your head into a wall, return here to leave more torture ideas. I would host cock fighting matches in the garage. Long spur style, of course. I would have unprotected sex with homeless, French whores suffering from Tourettes Syndrome on his Bowflex. This would be after he catches me scrubbing the toilet with his toothbrush. I would buy the…

Perhaps I’m reading too much into this…

04 April, 2005Posted inObservations27 Comments
Or maybe I just needed coffe, but I really thought my shaving gel looked like a Genie this morning.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves…

Fries with that?

31 March, 2005Posted inObservations39 Comments
It was the third Wednesday of the month and that meant the department was having its monthly lunch at the Boobatorium. It isn't really called that. It's sort of a poor man's Hooters. The typical sports bar you'd see in any town, except that the waitresses wear less than many swimsuit models. Our waitress's breasts seemed intent on leaving the confines of their flimsy fortress of fabric. Every time she bent over to leave a straw or napkin, she would intentionally press her arms together, forcing her breasts to smash and protrude like twin loaves of dough rising from inseparable…

The first one’s always free

30 March, 2005Posted inObservations26 Comments
You may be hooked emotionally and psychologically. You may have developed a physical dependence, too. If you're addicted to Flickr — whether it's legal or illegal — you have intense cravings for it. You want to use it again and again. When you stop seeing your photostream for even ten minutes, you may have unpleasant physical reactions. An estimated 9.5 million Americans over the age of 12 use Flickr. Many other people abuse or are addicted to photostreams. Digital cameras are the most commonly used method. While not everyone who uses Flickr becomes addicted, many people do. As many as…

Story problem

29 March, 2005Posted inObservations33 Comments
You have two cats. Each cat weighs about 8 pounds. Each cat eats 1/2 pound of dry food per week, Each cat also has its own litterbox with 20 pounds of litter. When you go to change the litterboxes, the litter in each box weighs 38 pounds. How is this possible?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase…

Rottweilers, cats and Q-Tips

27 March, 2005Posted inObservations13 Comments
Last night, the lovely Natalie and I had dinner with the adorably witty Melissa and her charming husband, Logan. Those two are quite a pair and kept us laughing all night. Her retelling of the evening is far better than I could do, so please read her version. She includes an excellent description of our harrowing encounter with Rottweiler Man, whose stinky breath I can still feel on my neck.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side…

Meet the Americans No. 2

25 March, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
Phyllis Glabstrubber. Phyllis Glabstrubber. American. Bunions are acting up again. The glasses help smelling flowers. Never paying $4.95 for a lousy paperback again. Bra is too tight. Dying for a Virginia Slims 100. Nope, don't like the Pepsi Clear, either. Call that a dog? Damn kids. Toilet papered the trees again last night. Shoe's coming apart. Running out of the Gold Bond powder. Think I'll upgrade to first class on this flight.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women…

Open letter to the heavyset woman next to me on the plane

24 March, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
Dear Heavyset, You sat next to me in the first class section of flight 427 this evening. I wasn't ruffled when you accidentally dropped your lead-filled carry-on bag on my crotch. I stifled a scream when you dropped your styrofoam cup of scalding decaf on my kneecap. I resisted the urge to break your pinky when you became uncontrollably flatulent during takeoff. Then you got out your reading material and that was simply too much. Really. The "Tao of Texas Holdem Poker"? Please. Perhaps I could have overlooked this as merely a lack of culture in your life. I tried…

Note to Self: 5,211

22 March, 2005Posted inObservations16 Comments
The next time one of the cats demands roasted corn for dinner, avoid looking in the litter box.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra…

Complete this sentence #20

20 March, 2005Posted inObservations30 Comments
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