Tag: Observations

  • Rather unlikely ways to die

    Crushed underfoot by a parade of Megatherium Knocked into the middle of next week, just like that drunk guy threatened Deadly nostril-flaring contest with Judd Nelson Fatal spork stabbing Entertained to death by puppets Severe salad-making injury Mistaken for a GI Joe doll by a giant child and subsequently beheaded and melted down Coding the…

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    Davezilla

  • Risky things to bring on a first date

    A home pregnancy test and a wedding ring Surgical hoses, clamps and formaldehyde Heavy-duty garbage bags and a shovel A cross, a hammer, a loincloth and three nails A circus monkey and an axe A vat of motor oil, 50 friends and a bikini with a contestant number Prosthetic limbs, a saw and a heavily-bookmarked…

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    Davezilla

  • Overheard: Iraqi doctor edition

    Two men at Starbucks are discussing the Iraq war behind me. One is blaming Iraqi doctors for all of the suicide bombings. My ears prick up as this is an angle I had not heard on the news. Man 2: “Where did you get that information? I’ve never heard anything about doctors being involved!” Man…

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    Davezilla

  • Note to Self, No. 5,599

    I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day……

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    Davezilla

  • Taste the friendly skies

    Some among us are fated to spend our airline hours trapped between the blinding light of the window seat and the searing, fetid breath of the fat, wheezing man in the aisle seat. I am one so fated. His wheezing was the typical sort one would expect from an asthmatic charged with sprinting up 17…

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    Davezilla

  • Whoops

    Perhaps in hindsight, the domain name, mp3shits.com might be giving the wrong message for a site called MP3’s Hits. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra…

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  • Identifying the birds of Detroit

    Identifying the birds of Detroit The Common Kildeer A bird most of us have seen in the open fields or oddly enough, hanging out in construction sites. Kildeers are known for two things: Their slightly annoying cry which seems to begin at 4am on the first day of spring and continue nonstop until mid-January the…

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    Davezilla

  • Flickr pickup lines

    I see on I’m on your contact list. Does that mean the sex is on? Your interests include taking photographs of dogs and pussies. What a coincidence… What do you look like at 1600 X 1200, baby? I belong to Best Viewed Large, if you know what I mean. I love a woman that knows…

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    Davezilla

  • Paris is burning

    Boy that Paris Hilton sure gets around! Why, she’s got not one, but three Flickr accounts, each less plausible than the rest. 😛 Cheeewaahwaa Paris the Heiress Paris Hilton viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online…

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  • Overheard: Frozen Samosa Edition

    Natalie: i went crazy at Whole Foods today Natalie: i didn’t eat lunch til about 3 Me: you went crazy? Me: Did you smash things and scream in your underwear in the frozen food aisle? Natalie: i brought back about 4 different salads and a veggie samosa Natalie: in my underwear viagra free viagra buy…

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    Davezilla

  • Ten Best Reasons to Get a Cold

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    Colds are disgusting. Your eyes look and feel sand-blasted, your nose has lost five layers of epidermis and you are left with the lung capacity of an asthmatic sparrow, but look on the bright side: Your boss will encourage you to go home early. You can keep ill-tempered coworkers at bay with a mere sneeze.…

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    Davezilla

  • Overheard: Naked Twister Edition

    At least, I think it was naked Twister. Heard this through the apartment wall, despite popped ears and stuffed sinuses (I have loud neighbors). Male voice: Right foot … Blue! Female voice: Your ass is fucking hairy, dude! Female voice: [loud squeal] Female voice: Dammit! [squeal] Male voice: Left hand … [mumble] Female voice: You…

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    Davezilla