Rather unlikely ways to die

  1. Crushed underfoot by a parade of Megatherium
  2. Knocked into the middle of next week, just like that drunk guy threatened
  3. Deadly nostril-flaring contest with Judd Nelson
  4. Fatal spork stabbing
  5. Entertained to death by puppets
  6. Severe salad-making injury
  7. Mistaken for a GI Joe doll by a giant child and subsequently beheaded and melted down
  8. Coding the world’s most dangerous javascript
  9. Tongue stuck to metal pole during unexpected Ice Age
  10. Forced into a fifteen minute conversation with Paris Hilton
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  1. Loss of blood from eyes popping out of head and being knocked to the ground by Gene Roddenberry’s corpse spinning after viewing the STAR TREK: Enterprise finale. THANKS BERMAGA.

  2. re: #4
    when I was in 7th grade my best friend and I would threaten our enemies with a fatal jab from a spork, then giggle hysterically for hours afterwards. That is, until the day I got a phone call at home from the vice principal saying that such threatening behavior could wind out getting me suspended, or the police called on me. Being the tough guy that I was, I still threatened it, and nothing bad ever did happen…
    I still say, always take a spork threat seriously.

  3. EvilSimon

    I’ll Spork YOUR FACE!

  4. For reasons that I can’t quite explain, some of those hedgehog photos remind me of Billy Idol.

  5. Spud

    Severe salad-making injury

    That I’d pay money to see…


  6. 3. Deadly nostril-flaring contest with Judd Nelson – That made me snort so hard I almost popped out an eyeball.

  7. JFLY

    #10 seems the most dreadful…

    Is it me, or do all those hedgehogs look the same color? :wtf:

  8. Hobbit

    I have been stabbed by a spork. It’s not that pleasant.

    I must warn everyone, always find out if your friend is a secret ninja trained in the art of spork-fu before bugging them.

  9. I wish #9 upon my enemies.

    11. Crushed to death by a truckload of sleeping hedgehogs.

    Why sleeping? Well, that’s pretty much all they do.

  10. cliche

    “Why sleeping? Well, that’s pretty much all they do.”

    Then how do you explain Sonic? which leads me to…

    11b: Ran over by Sonic the hedgehog.

  11. Sorry, but it has come to this:

    Death by strangulation of the nuts (testicles, for you ladies) by wearing MOOSEPANTS that are too tight.

    Please hold your applause until the end. Thank you for your co-operation. Please move on to the checkout to receive your bonus coupons.

  12. mikeB

    Drop hedgehogs in my pants and roll down a hill.

Comments are closed