Croc Martens
Chuck Norris
Conversation between any group of males in 1978
“Chuck Norris could beat anyone.”
“No way could Chuck Norris beat Bruce Lee.”
“Yeah, Bruce Lee ripped the heart from a live cow with one strike.”
“And he drank blood.”
“And no one to this day, knows how he died.”
“Norris got him.”
New Scents for Yankee Candles
If Yankee Candles actually smelled like things from the Northern US, the candle scents would change up a bit.
- Brown Snowdrift
- Hoboken Hobo
- Leftover Pizza in the Fridge
- Warm IPA
- Overpriced, Overly-Sweet Cocktail that Looked Good in the Menu, But Wasn’t
- Women’s’ Room After a Concert
- Crushed Black Fly
- Lacrosse Coach
- Middle-Eastern Man’s Cologne
- Air from a Hipster’s Bike Tire
- Flint Beach Water
- Union Worker Angst
- Mosquito Blood
- Coney Island Hotdog, Extra Onions
- Sublime Subway
- Rust
- Vacation Bible School
- Detroit Bar Mat
- Panera Lemon
- Fear of the South
Skunked
Last night I was almost sprayed by a skunk. It was tiny. Not much bigger than a baby squirrel, but the sight of its raised tail made me shriek and run away like a scared toddler.
What. Me embarrassed?
Siri is the devil
Was just in a client phone conference when SIRI popped up from my AppleWatch with this:
SIRI: “Did you accidentally summon me?”
ME: “Summon you? What are you, a demon?”
SIRI: “Let’s talk about you, David. Not me.”
Should I be afraid? I think I should be afraid.