Recent Effluvia:

Nothing to see here folks

In the interest of job preservation, I have never blogged about work. I’m going to tonight, but I am not pulling a Dooce. This is just something odd that happened today.

My fiancée and I both work at the same agency, but on different floors. I went up after work to see what time she was leaving since it was well after 5:00. The janitor was curled up in a chair, moaning slowly like, “Ohhhhhhhhh, Ughhhhhhhhh…” as if in extreme pain. I walked over and tapped her on the shoulder.
Me: “Miss, are you, OK?”
Janitor: “Dammit! Can’t you see I’m on the PHONE!”

I mean, what do you say to that?

19 August, 2009
Caption Time #292

Oh, Japan. You vex me so.

17 August, 2009
Thanks, no.

13 August, 2009
Really? Also, um OWWWW!

12 August, 2009
Google has some interesting autofill suggestions
Ever noticed how Google will start to autofill suggestions as you type? This can lead to some pretty weird suggestions (which means all of us are typing in some really weird things numerous times). This is what I got by typing in “what are these s” and waiting for it to suggest something.

Some other fun ones to try:
1. what are these p; 4th result is, “What are these purple boxes in trees?”
2. what are these t; 6th result is, “What are these things on my face?”
3. why did you a; 3rd result is, “Why did you apply methylene blue to the slide with your cheek cells?”
4. why did you p; 5th result is, “Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door?” (Bare Naked Ladies lyric?), 7th result is, “Why did you pour ink on my head?”
5. why did you t; 7th result is, “Why did you think a giant bubble?”
6. why did you s; 1st result is, “Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80?”
10 August, 2009
Caption Time #291

06 August, 2009
I don’t even know where to begin…

03 August, 2009
Caption Time #290

31 July, 2009
More Unfortunate URLs
Haven’t done these in a few years! The following URLs are all unintentionally funny and all real companies.
1. 1hourscrap.com
2. achildshaven.com
3. amigonefuneralhome.com
4. apetit.com
5. blindsexpress.com
6. cumbooks.co.za [A Christian bookstore offering “Cum Blessings”]
7. pro-lapse.com
8. doggiestyles.co.uk
9. ferrethandjobs.com [My personal favorite]
10. ilovebigals.com
11. ladrape.co.uk
12. masterbaitonline.com
13. michaelspornanimation.com
14. oddsexchange.com
15. oldmanshaven.com
16. penisland.net [A Zilla Girl Destination]
17. semensemble.org
18. therapistschoice.com
19. www.anker.com
28 July, 2009
What a fish in an aquarium is thinking

Ohhhhh geez. What’s with the florescent light, buddy? I would kill for some eyelids right about now.

[swims a bit]

Christ on a crutch. Dere’s dat damn Pufferfish again. Swimming by my filter tube! Don’t he know that’s my turf? I better shows him who’s boss around here.

[swims up]

Hey! Yo, Puffie! Yeah, you. Get yer no good, bloated belly-havin’ prickly-ass outta my turf!
What? Oh is dat a fact? Listen pal. I been in dis tank since you was a fry. I remember the day dey dropped your bag in the tank. Dere goes the neighborhood I says. We all knew you was gonna be trouble. And look at you. You’re fat. You gots prickles all overs ya. You gots buggy eyes and a tiny dorsal fin. And you knows what the ladies say about fish with small dorsal fins. BWAHAHAHAH!

What? No, I’m a clownfish pal, get it straight. See dat anemone back dere? Dat’s mine. Go ahead. Touch it. The poison will kill ya. Whaddya mean, you gots stronger poison? In your scales? What the? Your cousin killed a Japanese guy? Serves him right for eatin’ him! BWAHAHAHAHAH! No offense pal, but I can’t sees why anybody would wants to eat ya. Yer uh, how do I put dis delicately? FUGLY!

23 July, 2009
Caption Time #289

22 July, 2009
This is Texas

Actually, this is The Cove, a very cool little restaurant in San Antonio that I ate at last Tuesday. Amazing food. Just don’t get how the laundromat fits in.

20 July, 2009