Recent Effluvia:

  • Awesome vs. Not So Awesome

    Awesome: Pulling a pair of jeans on, still hot from the dryer on a cold winter’s morning.
    Not So Awesome: The metal button on the jeans is so hot, it sears your abdomen.

    Awesome: Using TweetDeck to automate Twitter on multiple accounts.
    Not So Awesome: Posting a highly personal tweet to your work account.

    Awesome: Watching your cat sit upright like Buddha.
    Not So Awesome: Realizing your cat just took a dump on your sofa and is sitting in it.

    Awesome: Putting fake eyebrows on your dog.
    Even More Awesome:Your fiancée taking pictures of it and posting it here.

    Bennie
    Photo by ChocolateRazor

  • Caption Time #301

    Caption Time #301

    Valvoline and Depends? This guy knows how to party!

  • 10 Things Women Never Say

    1. Do we have to get a puppy? I mean, look at that adorable tarantula!
    2. I just nuked a bitch.
    3. Your wedding dress is so fuckin’ badass.
    4. Fuckin’-a right, I’m robbin’ a bank!
    5. The dishes can wait. You need a lap dance.
    6. Cobra hunting? Be still, my heart!
    7. You don’t have all I can eat.
    8. You know what I’d like? Some creepy, single guy to follow me around with an upskirt cam all day.
    9. Only 3,600 calories? Supersize that shit! I’ll fucking starve on that.
    10. Yes, dear. I’m completely satisfied.
  • 10 Words Men Never Use

    1. Merriment
    2. Cherish
    3. Giddy
    4. Scrumptious
    5. Sparkly
    6. Vag
    7. Toodles
    8. Precious
    9. Pocketbook
    10. Slacks

    What words would you add to this list?

  • Everything I Learned About Homes, I Learned from HGTV

    1. If you don’t have an island in your kitchen, your home will never sell. Buyers want an island.
    2. If you have the wrong kind of island in your kitchen, you’ll ruin your home No one will want to buy it.
    3. Laminate flooring is a high quality, inexpensive material to give you the look of real tile for less.
    4. Laminate floors look cheap and will lower the value of your home. You really should have gone with real tile.
    5. Use purple and orange pillows, paired with lots of candles for the look of a plush, Moroccan getaway.
    6. The Moroccan look is cheap, outdated and a fire hazard.
    7. Bake bread in your kitchen before buyers show up. It will make the house feel like a home.
    8. Buyers are savvy today and won’t fall for old tricks like baking bread.

    What have you learned from HGTV?

  • Attention iPhone Owners

    I just added a mobile theme to Davezilla.com to make it easier to read when you’re stuck waiting at the clinic (I won’t ask which one), waiting at the DMV, or avoiding listening to a boring meeting at work. I believe this theme is also optimized for Android, iTouch and the Palm Pre.

    Presumably this means you Crackberry users are screwed. Sorry about that. Let me know how it works for you. It seemed to work great on my iPhone.

Swiggety-Swag

I make things. People buy them.

Tarot of the Unexplained

USD $22.95

  • The first tarot deck to include cryptids, the paranormal, portals, and Forteana.
  • Silver, gilded-edge 30 gsm cards
  • Includes a 96-page full-color book

Magical AI Grimoire

USD $22.95

  • 288 page grimoire chronicling the magical community’s adoption of tech and AI
  • Learn how to use AI for spells from multiple magical systems point of view
  • Forward by Peter J. Carroll