1. Do we have to get a puppy? I mean, look at that adorable tarantula!
  2. I just nuked a bitch.
  3. Your wedding dress is so fuckin’ badass.
  4. Fuckin’-a right, I’m robbin’ a bank!
  5. The dishes can wait. You need a lap dance.
  6. Cobra hunting? Be still, my heart!
  7. You don’t have all I can eat.
  8. You know what I’d like? Some creepy, single guy to follow me around with an upskirt cam all day.
  9. Only 3,600 calories? Supersize that shit! I’ll fucking starve on that.
  10. Yes, dear. I’m completely satisfied.

15 thoughts on “10 Things Women Never Say

  1. No strings attached.
    Let me get that for you dear.
    I’ll change the oil and get the tires rotated for you, just watch the game.
    I don’t want a mini-van, can we get that hummer. I’ll give you a hummer.
    Curtains?! Just put sheets over the windows!
    Leave the trash darling, I need you to save your strength.

  2. my god you have the hugest member
    lets have oral sex right now
    I adore anal sex
    forget the asprin, sex should cure my headache
    I want whatever car that you are happy with
    you look great in that purple track shoes and the patent leather shoes all husband should look so good
    I’m glad to go to the wrestling matches in stead of the silly play that we had tickets for

  3. Damn you Patrick, you beat me to it!

    1. I couldn’t have done it any better myself.
    2. Wouldn’t it be kinda hot if you yelled your exgirlfriend’s name when you orgasm with me?
    3. Wow, that’s some incredible male intuition there. (without being sarcastic)
    4. Honestly, I won’t get angry if you tell me….aw that’s bullshit. Of course I will.
    5. Yes lets name our son ‘Frodo’.
    6. Maybe I’m being a little harsh with the alimony demands.
    7. God I love it when you leave just your socks on.
    8. I hereby swear on the Holy Bible that I will not be running for President and that is not the reason I resigned as Governor.

  4. Please tell me my butt looks HUGE in these pants!!

    I’m a little tired. Let me call a couple of my friends to do you.

    Excuse me waitress. You didn’t lean far enough over my boyfriend for him to see your boobs. Oh, and could you shake them a bit while they are there.

  5. I’ve said 2, 5, and 10.

    Something I haven’t heard before though is…. “OK honey, you know best.” N-E-V-E-R ever said that before. LOL! 😀

  6. -your communication skills are awesome
    -even when you are off doing your own thing i can sense that you love me so i don’t need a phone call for reassurance
    -i wish we could adopt men’s hygiene rules. it seems so practical.
    -your logic negates my emotional state every time. i love that about you. emotions are silly.
    -when you are silent i never want to know what you are thinking about because i trust you
    -5 minutes is certainly long enough. after that it gets too intimate for me.
    -when it comes to talking about our relationship you always seem to know just what to say

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