A hacker wearing a hoodie in a dark room. He is working on a retro laptop.

What I Learned About Computer Security From Movies

15 February, 2023Posted inOriginal Humor
Computer security is a subject that, with the sole exception of Mr. Robot, has never been portrayed realistically on movies or television. You can simply type sudo: Give me the answer now!. The password is always a personal item on the criminal mastermind's desk. If the password doesn't work, you can always yell the word, "Override!" at the PC and it will ignore all advanced computer security protocols. Hacking into government systems only takes 30 seconds. And once you’re in, you have to loudly announce, “I’m in!” to everyone in the room. Once in, someone from the other side is…
A Greek statue of a man facepalming from all the client lies he hears

Lies clients (still) tell freelancers

13 February, 2023Posted inObservations, Original Humor
The lies clients tell freelancers never change. I often wonder if there's a business class where the prof tells students which lies to use on us. When we go IPO, your cut will be huge. You’ll be raking it in because you were there for us at the beginning.” “This is the kind of project that will make your career. You can write your own future after this.” “I need you to do me a solid on this one. I know it’s a nothing budget and the turnaround time is physically impossible, but this will lead to so many more…
Celebrating 25 years of clean humor and filthy comments

Celebrating 25 years of clean humor and filthy comments.

11 February, 2023Posted inAnnouncements
And as a special tribute, I decided to ask ChatGPT how I am described. This was the response: Davezilla is a humorous blogger who is known for his witty and often sarcastic commentary on various topics. He has a unique writing style that blends humor, satire, and pop culture references, and his blog is widely regarded as entertaining and engaging. Davezilla's writing is often described as witty, incisive, and insightful, and his humor appeals to a wide range of readers, including those who enjoy political satire, pop culture commentary, and social critique. Overall, Davezilla is known for his ability to…
“UFO-Shaped”. Uh huh. Sure. UFO.

“UFO-Shaped”. Uh huh. Sure. UFO.

20 January, 2023Posted inwtf
A GIANT FLYING VAGINA A giant, flying vagina was seen over Turkey last week. Several Turkish incels died trying to jump high enough to have wanton sex with the cloud that "owed them" and "was asking for it." Several news outlets misidentified the cloud as being "UFO-Shaped" when it was clearly a gigantic vagina taunting the residents of Bursa, Turkey. The media tried to mislead the public by claiming it was a lenticular cloud, which we all know is a slanted media dog whistle for A GIANT FLYING VAGINA.
When do we decide if someone is batshit crazy?

When do we decide if someone is batshit crazy?

16 June, 2022Posted inObservations
I know. That term is politically incorrect. And I am not applying it to those with true mental illnesses. I’m talking about those times when eccentricity goes a wee bit over the top. And stays there. You’ve doubtless met others who have decided to become eccentric, perhaps even the town eccentric, but it was clearly a conscious act on their part. Those people. True eccentricity, I believe, is unconscious. The person may not know their actions are in fact, not in societal expectations. Those people are fantastic and bring color to life. Back to being batshit crazy. There is a…

Terrible Ideas for Tattoos

12 June, 2022Posted inBad Ideas
I've seen some terrible ideas for tattoos in my time. Hell, I've come up with some. But the public does it better. Homer Simpson bending over so the tat owner's navel is his asshole. The Warner Bros. Tasmanian Devil holding a beer, with the caption, this bud's for me (alternately with a joint). And I really don't get the goth girls who get open-mouthed devil faces down there. Thanks, no. Here's some more that really exist. You're welcome.
24 Years Ago…

24 Years Ago…

26 February, 2022Posted inAnnouncements
I bought this domain. Yep. February 22, 1998. That means next year, my blog will be a quarter century old. One of the oldest on the planet. Crazy town. Thank you for sticking with me. I am going to be posting a lot more this year. But original stuff. Not the memes. Those can stay on Facebook where they belong!

You needed lungs of steel

08 January, 2022Posted inBad Ideas
Remember this shit? I could never get a bubble bigger than 2” and it smelled like a Victorian turpentine factory. The bubbles were generally forest green with the faintest whisper of yellow. “Here, kids! It’s like lung cancer in a tube. Knock yourself out.” SuperElasticBubblePlastic, next to Jarts, it claimed more childhood lives in the 1970s than riding in cars without safety belts. But don’t take my word for it. This shit was deadly. There’s even a Wikipedia page about it. It was made from polyvinyl acetate dissolved in acetone. You know, for kids!