Overheard: Laundromat Edition

16 November, 2005Posted inObservations24 Comments
Neighbor: "Crappy weather, huh?" Me: "Yeah, it sure as Hell is." Neighbor: "Stepped in every gaddampt puddle tanight." Me: "Oh?" Neighbor: "Yeaaaaaah. Went to the Mervyn's sale. They're going outta business." Me: "I hadn't heard." Neighbor: "Oh sure, and wouldn't ya know it? They were closed." Me: "That's a drag, eh?" Neighbor: "Yeaaaaaah. I really needed a new bra. I only got two and this one's fulla cigarette burns. See?" Me: " … "viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 6: The Dribbler

15 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized27 Comments
The Dribbler Despite his brutish, troll-like appearance, the Dribbler is an excellent model, able to hold unchallenging poses for an hour without tiring. Yes, he has more body odor and hair than a Musk Ox. Yes, he has 5:00 shadow by 9:15 am. These are all excusable and minor in comparison to the trait that gave him his nickname.You see, unlike the Closet Perv, who gets off on being naked in front of young women, the Dribbler takes his work seriously and with great dedication. If only his body had the same attention span that his brain had. His second…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 5: Former Fashion Model

14 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized27 Comments
The Former Fashion Model At first glance, the first year art student may assume the professor had brought a cadaver for the class to draw. Then the cadaver coughs, a miserable, cancerous cough that produces more than a few moths and dust. It is not a cadaver, but a former fashion model, driven to nude modeling in a last ditch attempt to get men to appreciate her faded glory. Back in the 1970s, when boob jobs were still in their infancy, she rushed at the chance to get the operaion in hopes that it would increase business. Large breasts were…

Notes to Self, No. 5,801, Breakfast Edition

13 November, 2005Posted inObservations23 Comments
When making oatmeal, the required steps are: Boil water Add dried oatmeal to bowl Add the water to the oatmeal before eating viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 4: The Closet Pervert

13 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized31 Comments
The Closet PervertPossibly the ugliest known human (certainly the ugliest person I've ever drawn) is the Closet Pervert. At only thirty-three, he looks closer to ninety-seven, owing to chronic masturbation which has sucked away his life force. With his greying locks, he resembles one of the Founding Fathers, but as no woman in her right mind would sleep with this panty-sniffing letch, he hasn't fathered a thing. During art class, the Pervert's eyes never stand still. They are constantly looking under easels to see what color underwear the women are wearing. A bead of sweat forms on his brow if…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 3: The Hippie Chick

12 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized40 Comments
The Hippie ChickMaking a dramatic resurgence in popularity in recent years, the Earth Mother's younger, inebriated equivalent, the Hippie Chick is a sight to behold. Or flee from. Look for silky hair, wavy, golden-red and reaching almost to the floor—and that's just her armpit hair. Her skin is either sun-freckled or drug-acned, and I don't wish to get close enough to determine which. Many a man has seen her cutting flowers at outdoor concerts, naked as a jaybird, but—from the amount of leg hair—mistook her for a Satyr. She has one of those odd builds: child-bearing hips, but almost no…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 2: The Nudist

11 November, 2005Posted inFreaks34 Comments
Guide to Artists' Models No. 2: The Nudist Second only in popularity to The Earth Mother, The Nudist is usually an elderly gentleman, with a silver ponytail collected from his few remaining strands of hair. His buttocks are withered as raisins and his hairy stomach hangs from him like a weaverbird nest. The Nudist loves the outdoors and finds no greater pleasure than sunbathing on the front lawn, while waving casually to his astonished neighbors. He's retired from his corporate job and now spends his days making wine in his basement in the nude, reading "Naturist" magazines while nude, and…

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 1: The Earth Mother

10 November, 2005Posted inFreaks52 Comments
Guide to Artists' Models No. 1: The Earth Mother The Earth Mother is probably the most common of artists' models. A vast expanse of doughy flesh topped with a mop of unshorn hair, she is happiest walking aboutau naturale in the presence of young men. The Earth Mother feels it is her duty on earth to inform budding artists of the benefits of an all-tofu diet, something she is clearly not adhering to, given her ponderous girth. Quotes: "Maybe the men in the class would be more comfortable with my body if they explored it physically. Y'know, just to get…

If or if not my butt was pointy…

09 November, 2005Posted inObservations47 Comments
From The Schoolyard Rhyme Project: UNITED STATES Baby, baby Stick your head in gravy Wash it out with bubble gum and send it to the Navy SOUTH AFRICA Yum yum bubble gum Stick your finger up your bum If it's nice, lick it twice Yum yum bubble gum DENMARK Hvis og hvis min røv var spids og fuld af limonade, sÃ¥ mÃ¥tte du min ven slikke den til ballerne blev flade [English Translation] If or if not my butt was pointy and filled with lemonade, then you my friends could lick it until my buttocks were flat I am dying…

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08 November, 2005Posted inUncategorized27 Comments
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Full frontal blogging

07 November, 2005Posted inOriginal Humor42 Comments
What was your first experience seeing a naked person in a movie? Summer of '42, that was mine. I mean, that was the name of the film, not when I saw a naked person in a film. I thought Jennifer O'Neill was the hottest woman on the planet at the time. I was probably 11 years old and Summer of '42 was playing on TV after midnight (yes, we had color television back then). Someone in the station forgot to censor the movie, and I saw my first bit of girl bits. Amazing. Not that I hadn't seen them prior,…