Airplane Safety Tips
Airplane Safety Tips Link of the Day: Jesus Appears on Dog's Butt, link via JudyKTW Video of the Day: Pickle Surprise!, link via Jim. Not safe for the easily disturbed.
Automobile names that never caught on
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How to Speak Project Manager
When they say, "How's the work coming along?" they really mean, "I am not missing my lunch break over you." When they say, "I'm glad you were assigned to this," they really mean, "Nobody else was stupid enough to work on this." When they say, "We need to manage the client top down," they really mean, "You're at the bottom of the pecking order and shit flows downstream." When they say, "This project will require your utmost attention," they really mean, "Don't screw this up. My review is next week." When they say, "Let's take this offline to discuss," they…
Worst things about dating a Werewolf
Having to take them out for walksies at midnight Finding 18"flea collars They crotch sniff your boss at the company Christmas party Finding your sex toys chewed up behind the sofa The bones buried in the backyard look human The high turnover of mailmen Knowing that the tongue was last used as toilet paper When you play tennis with them, they growl and won't give up the ball Always wondering if, "I had some friends for dinner," should be taken literally Two words: leg humping viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy…
Overused Movie Clichés #3: Hero Edition
The boss is a jerk, but he knows when he's made a mistake. Please come back! Boy, am I ever glad to see you! So this is who he sends to do his dirty work? I've been down that road before, kid. I ain't goin' back to that life. I told ya already. I'm finished. Washed up! You've saved this town a dozen times. Do it one more time … for me. Give your boss a message for me. Tell him… tell him I'm coming to get him. I think we're bein' tailed. That guy's been on our butts for…
Honey Don’t List
Don't bathe the puppy in the dishwasher. Or the washing machine. Don't use your socks to mop the floor. Or mine. Cleaning the mini blinds does not mean turning the slats the other way so the dirt faces the neighbors. Laying 2x4s over your pants does not constitute ironing. Don't use the iron to make grilled cheese for the kids. Don't use the leaf blower indoors. Tying the dog to the bumper and driving to the store is not walking the dog. Taking the kids to see the game does not mean taking them to a bar with big screen…
Note to Self, No. 6,015
No matter how good an idea it may seem at the time, do not reheat grilled cheese in the microwave oven at work more than once.
I went to this concert!
Make your own fake tickets with the Concert Ticket Generator. Link via James B.
The Wisdom of Coworkers
Coworker: "Dave, can you look at this Laser printer? It's broken and I can't find IT anywhere." Me: "Yeah, what's it doing?" Coworker: "Well, {other coworker} sent a color file to this printer but this is a black and white printer." Me: "So?" Coworker: "Well, you just can't do that!" Me: "Yes, you can, and it's just out of paper." Coworker: "…" Coworker: "I don't want to print out this PDF." Me: "Why not?" Coworker: "My monitor doesn't have that much toner." Coworker 1: "We can't use Pantone colors on the website." Coworker 2: "Why not?" Coworker 1: "Because there's…
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Greek Myths in Five Words, Part II
Bacchus dug the high life Erisichton said, "Olympus is dead" Neptune held wet t-shirt contests Amphitrite's dolphins were tuna-safe Achilles had a bum heel Orpheus was bitch-slapped by girls Ulysses stuffed seamen with wax Castor and Pollux were clones Gryphons were cheap, gold-diggers Argus was full of ship Hector gave the Greeks heck Priam let the bastards in Paris nailed Menelaus' wife overnight Eris made those bitches jealous Venus let her girdle down Ajax cleaned the battle fields Circe turned men into pigs Calypso partied with the boys Prometheus stole Jupiter's cigarette lighter Midas turned his dangler gold viagra free…
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