Hither and Yon

19 August, 2023Posted inwtf
Some more useless items that make the Web great. A tattoo needle deliver ink in ultra slow motion. Cat mode stopped in mid-activation Someone will pay dearly for this. 111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111.com I want to eat your nose, Amazon Dating. Better than it sounds.
A Greek statue of a man facepalming from all the client lies he hears

Lies clients (still) tell freelancers

13 February, 2023Posted inObservations, Original Humor
The lies clients tell freelancers never change. I often wonder if there's a business class where the prof tells students which lies to use on us. When we go IPO, your cut will be huge. You’ll be raking it in because you were there for us at the beginning.” “This is the kind of project that will make your career. You can write your own future after this.” “I need you to do me a solid on this one. I know it’s a nothing budget and the turnaround time is physically impossible, but this will lead to so many more…
When do we decide if someone is batshit crazy?

When do we decide if someone is batshit crazy?

16 June, 2022Posted inObservations
I know. That term is politically incorrect. And I am not applying it to those with true mental illnesses. I’m talking about those times when eccentricity goes a wee bit over the top. And stays there. You’ve doubtless met others who have decided to become eccentric, perhaps even the town eccentric, but it was clearly a conscious act on their part. Those people. True eccentricity, I believe, is unconscious. The person may not know their actions are in fact, not in societal expectations. Those people are fantastic and bring color to life. Back to being batshit crazy. There is a…

You needed lungs of steel

08 January, 2022Posted inBad Ideas
Remember this shit? I could never get a bubble bigger than 2” and it smelled like a Victorian turpentine factory. The bubbles were generally forest green with the faintest whisper of yellow. “Here, kids! It’s like lung cancer in a tube. Knock yourself out.” SuperElasticBubblePlastic, next to Jarts, it claimed more childhood lives in the 1970s than riding in cars without safety belts. But don’t take my word for it. This shit was deadly. There’s even a Wikipedia page about it. It was made from polyvinyl acetate dissolved in acetone. You know, for kids!

Only in Royal Oak…

24 July, 2021Posted inObservations
Longtime readers will know that I have spent the majority of my life in Royal Oak, Michigan — a strange little town with a penchant for weirdness. We could just as easily deserve our own version of Austin’s tagline. “ Keep Royal Oak weird.” Last night, while walking home with my honey, we noticed another oddity. Only in Royal Oak can you purchase a gallon of Bulleit Rye, Falafel, an Bitcoin, all in the same … gas station. Falafel, Bitcoin, and Booze by the gallon, What more could you ask for from a gas station?

Garganornis: Even its name is evil

05 July, 2021Posted inObservations, Original Humor
Just picture being a Cro Magnon. You’ve just gotten a nice cave in the ‘burbs for the fam. Worked hard on the garden damn, those 15 lb. Rafflesia flowers are looking fine. Then you hear it. Honking. Not the wimpy honk of a long-dead Velociraptor. Nope. There used to be a giant goose named Garganornis. It was so tall, it stood up to Chris Helmsworth’s nipples. Picture a flock of giant geese shitting on your lawn and not just hissing at you. These fuckers would just eat your face and change your cable channels. Garganornis ballmanni. Photo via WikiMedia.