Tag: Observations

I never win anything. My brother is the lucky one in the family. He got the Irish good looks and luck. He wins at football and casinos. I have to work for a living. So I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I had won an iPod! I’d been beta testing for Mister Wong, a…

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The probability of spilling stainable liquid on yourself increases with the expense of the article of clothing Rainfall will be greatest when you are 1/2 way walking home. It will abruptly stop upon reaching home The shorter and looser a woman’s skirt is, the greater the chance for hurricane strength winds that day The later…

James B (who created this week’s poll) frightened me with a true story about tonsil stones. I have to admit, it was pretty gross. Look up pictures of them on Google Images if you doubt me. I simply had to get even. I told him about a German fellow who was recently killed and eaten…

Our high school typing instructor was hot. She had a body like Bettie Page and wore ridiculously tight skirts and stiletto heels. Her one odd trait was her nails. As a typing instructor, she had to keep her nails trimmed, but she was all about long painted nails. She compromised by growing one nail to…

Identifying more arsehole drivers in front of you. Texters: True story: Tuesday, I had to swerve to avoid a woman who almost ran me off the road. She was completely unaware of this. She was too busy texting on her cell phone. She was a large woman, and used her ponderous breasts to steer. Her…

Identifying the arsehole driver in front of you. The Midwestern Bookworm: The Bookworm loves to read. Right now, she is in the fast lane in front of you, finishing the last chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which is spread open across her steering wheel. Her emotional reactions to her reading material greatly…

Over the past few years, I’ve noticed a change in the patter of waitstaff. I only pay attention to these things because I was once a waiter, myself. Time was, a server would come by, a minute or so into the meal and ask, “How is everything?” A concise sentence. Nowadays, servers come when you…

I just received a spam entitled, “Make You’re Penis the Size of You’re Entire Body!!!!!” Ignoring the atrocious punctuation errors, this message is troubling on several levels. First off, I’m six-foot three. Having a penis of equal length could pose some serious tactical issues. How would I store it when not in use? I could…

Michelle Madigan, for thinking she is smarter than the hackers at DEFCON. Sorry, Michelle. These are the brightest minds in the United States. You aren’t. I should mention that I have been a member of DEFCON for years; I even did the logo for DEFCON Groups, so if I take schadenfreude over this, you will…

Maven’s recent post about the homeless man jerking off in public reminded me of a similar experience I had. No, I wasn’t a homeless, black man. Way back in the day, when Detroit had an awesome indie scene, I went to see Echo and the Bunnymen at St. Andrews Hall. Typical of most old concert…

You’ve been drinking beer (legally) for 22 years now. It’s about time you learned to drink beer from a bottle without backing up the carbonation and causing a beer fountain on the table. Seriously. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra…