How’s my driving, Part II

Identifying more arsehole drivers in front of you.

  1. Texters: True story: Tuesday, I had to swerve to avoid a woman who almost ran me off the road. She was completely unaware of this. She was too busy texting on her cell phone. She was a large woman, and used her ponderous breasts to steer. Her left hand was busy cradling her phone, while her right hand gingerly poked at the keys. Her fingernails were the same length as her fingers, curved like talons, making her typing take attention away from other distractions like say, watching the road.
  2. The Braker: StevieC pointed this tribe out and I’d like to expand on those observations a bit: This driver is prepared for any emergency by always driving with their left foot on the brake at all times. But why? It starts with fear. This tribe was bullied at school, afraid to run through the house with scissors and leaves the light on at night. Now you’re telling them to get on a road with thousands of giant metal boxes, hurtling toward oblivion at 60 MPH? The nerve of us.
  3. The Adjusters: Ever been caught in a traffic jam that seems to have no cause? After two hours crawling at 2 MPH, you finally reach what must surely be the scene of a four car rollover. It is in fact, one idiot who needed to adjust his radio. He, is an Adjuster. This is a new tribe, obsessed with the settings in the car. They will come to a complete stop on an expressway just to find the perfect wiper speed. They must be run off the road as quickly as possible.
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  1. junkman

    this just happened 10 minutes ago. a white sunfire driven by a little old white haired lady that looked like Dr. Zaius from planet of the apes, cut across 3 lanes without signalling and almost smashed into the side of my car and the two cars in the other lanes. all you could see from behind was the top of her head. it looked like a crazed wool tam o’shanter was at the wheel. when i pulled up beside her and looked at her she took both hands off the wheel and raised them as if to say “what could i do?” while her car continued veering to the right in front of another car. 👿 👿 👿 👿 👿 👿 👿 👿

  2. AnnieB

    [Comment ID #198334 will be quoted here]

    I realize these older people get disoriented, panic, etc. but that’s ridiculous! Glad you were able to avoid that potential disaster! :kiss:

  3. “Ever been caught in a traffic jam that seems to have no cause?”

    There is a cause for traffic jams. Always. Driving too close. Whether at a traffic lite or open road, even if the car ahead stops, you are violating the law and are supposed to get a moving traffic violation if you approach closer than the safe following distance (100 feet where posted limit is 45 MPH or less, 200 feet if posted over 45 MPH. Check your state for specifics.)

    Following too close is the setup for traffic jams (other than blocked roadway). The trigger is the ‘flinch’. That is when some driver pulls a stunt that scares another driver, who then breaks or slows a little or a lot. The first driver that flinches sets off a chain reaction, with succeeding drivers slowing. Most all cars will slow at about the same rate (or you would have collisions, not a jam), but speeding up? That varies from driver to driver, when they notice the opportunity to proceed, and how fast. Cars vary in how fast they can accelerate. If every care maintained the minimum distance, everyone could take off about the same time, instead of each driver having to allow time for the car ahead to proceed a safe distance.

    I try to allow space for two cars ahead of me all the time.

  4. Bigwavdave

    As a veteran of the SoCal freeway system, I can say the worst thing to happen on the road in the last two decades are the drivers who HAVE to talk on their cell phones, and, in order to be SAFE, drive 10 car lengths back AND 10 to 15 mph slower than everyone else. ASSHOLES :puke: :puke: :puke:

  5. My Grandpa probley never had a car accident in has life due to the fact that ha stay’s about 100 feet away from the car in front of him and drives pretty slow. hahahahahaha 🙂

  6. Driver

    The Rubbernecker
    These idiots see a car well off on the shoulder of the freeway with obviosly nothing wrong but a flat tire and still slow to a crawl hoping to see blood and guts.

  7. Spud

    The Stedger
    A relative newcomer to our freeways but nonetheless highly skilled in the motor arts.

    Stedgers are noted for the following:-

    1. Hard balling (intimidating driving)
    2. Getting in tight (following too closely)
    3. Changing positions (sudden lane changes)
    4. Fisting (or any other hand gesture that comes to mind)

  8. Mandy

    [Comment ID #198362 will be quoted here]

    ahem! i was thinking of entirely different things when i read those titles. *blush*

  9. You missed two that are common here in Texas.

    The Left Lane Slowpoke
    They usually drive right at, or just under the speed limit in the left lane. If you are lucky you’ll get a chance to pass them on the right and have them honk and flip you off.

    The Hesitant Lane Changer
    These people feel the need to hit the brakes for each and every lane change. They often shed 5-10 mph in the process of changing lanes, regardless of either lane’s speed, causing people in both lanes to hit their brakes to avoid them.

  10. brad s.

    those people who,with no signal’s,come to a complete stop,then turn right,into their driveway!

  11. Randy

    The DOT Project: This is a variant on The Adjuster. Bumper-to-bumper 5 mph traffic for an hour because of what you know must be a horrendous multiple car pile-up. Cause: DOT repair project occurring at rush hour consisting of one mini backhoe (Bobcat) and a group of seven individuals standing around watching its operation. This actually occurred to me on I-81 North in Virginia. By the way, the group of observers consists of: one supervisor, one superintendent, one engineer, one safety inspector, two surveyors, and one laborer propping-up a shovel.

  12. Spud

    [Comment ID #198382 will be quoted here]
    Oh yes? … ah’m sure ah don’t know what you mean m’am.

  13. [Comment ID #198382 will be quoted here]

    Glad I wasn’t the only one!

  14. StevieC

    [Comment ID #198362 will be quoted here]

    We’re also known for long, cargasmic road trips that will blow your mind!

  15. boc

    😈 its soooooo true. for more dumb butts on the roads visit


  16. [Comment ID #198446 will be quoted here]

    We also like riding with our tops down. 😈

Comments are closed