In the Beginning, God created the hobbits and the dwarves…

Have you read about the ridiculous goings-on in Georgia schools? They are actually placing "evolution is a theory" stickers in science books? If not, here is the actual sticker being placed into high school science books (Yes, in this century). This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered. — SOURCE I have several problems with this. For one thing, never delude a child. For another, I get so tired of Creationists saying ridiculous things like,…

Overheard: Q’Doba Edition

Was eating in a local Mexican chain and the New Age Hippie Beast next to me in line carried on the following conversation: Line Cook (LC): What would you like, Ma'am? New Age Hippie Beast (NAHB): I want … that vegetable grilled buh-meeta? LC: Fajita? NAHB: That's the one. LC: What kind of salsa would you like on it? NAHB: What kind do you have? LC: Mild, Medium, Hot and Corn Salsa. NAHB: I'll have Ranch. LC: We … don't have Ranch. NAHB: I saw the word Ranch somewhere. LC: Here? NAHB: Maybe it was at home. LC: OK, well…

Complete this sentence #14, Victoria’s Secret Edition

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Random Effluvia

I would like to build a popcorn-powered car. It would make a pleasing sound when driving and the exhaust would be tasty and make small birds happy. Teeth never inflate when you inhale, cause that would look really stupid. I'm glad it never rains skunks and porcupines. I heard someone say that we need to pray for peace. Except I thought she said, peas. So I prayed for peas. Then I had some for dinner. I'm glad I prayed for those peas, cause they were good. Whose bad idea was it to make a corn popsicle? viagra free viagra buy…

Overheard: Small change edition

Me: I’ll have a cappuccino with an extra shot. Barista: That’ll be $4.03. Me: [hands her a $20] Barista: Don’t you have anything smaller? Me: Yes, I have some nickels. Barista: …viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk…

Note to self: 5,099

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Honeymoon Poem. Finally, a talent equal to Tiny Tim

If you've ever had any doubts whether or not Britney Spears has any talent, let me shoot them in the foot right now, then bend those doubts over, give them a knee to the groin, pull their shirt over their head and sweep their legs. Perhaps I am being too harsh. Perhaps it is because I have been watching martial arts movies all morning. I am of course, referring to Britney's "Honeymoon Poem." It is, if I may quote George Bush, "A catastrophic success." Forget all the inane LiveJournal goth poetry you've ever begrudgingly read. This one beats them all.…

Note to self: 5,072

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Note to self: 5,071

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Rules to live by

Actual rules of thumb from around the country (and a few of my own). YMMV. The year that you begin getting chest hair is the same year the hair on your head will begin to recede faster than the growth rate. (Same rule applies to men.) — MARK RYAN, Dallas, TX Never buy a car with greater horsepower than your IQ. — SCOTT PARKER, Beaumont, TX The better the band, the worse the football team. — TOM LUCAS, Berkeley, CA If you can’t find it on a website in under five minutes, Google it or go somewhere else. — DAVEZILLA…

Phrases I could go the rest of my life without hearing again

“Ohio is this year’s Florida.” [Ohio has beaches and sharks? Cool, that’s only an hour’s drive for me.] “They’re playing this game like they’re running for county sheriff.” [Actually, they’re playing it like they’re running for President] “It’s a dead-heat. Just too close to call.” [What was your first clue?] “Sure the popular vote is important, but let’s not forget that all-important electoral college.” [Yes, you reminded us before the last commercial break.] “Who’s going to win? It’s anyone’s guess.” [My guess is the winner will win. I feel pretty confident with that prediction] “Let’s not call this one just…