Observations

Imitate South Park characters for the duration of an important client meeting. Terrorize the staff by pretending to be "a big, angry bear". Hide office silverware in the photocopier. Play Orson Welles' War of the Worlds radio broadcast on the loudspeaker system. Throw out office equipment in an effort to, "appease our new, alien overlords." Call in sick with projectile leprosy. Stalk yourself and send complaints to Human Resources about your Evil Twin. Draw "tattoos" on coworkers with Bic pens. Form rival gangs and take over hallways. Tell your coworkers you can tell the future using paperclips. Predict that everyone…

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Topic suggestion by Sherri P. "Don't be a hater." I prefer, "Don't be a ne'erdowell. Beyotch." "Guys, let's really think outside the box on this one, k?" "I think we've screwed the pooch." I really hate it when people make compound words from words that shouldn't be compound. For example, "Whatsay you and I have a looksee at a couplethree of those?" "Irregardless" Not a real word, dipshit. "I'm a fiscal Republican." Like that somehow absolves you of sin. "Beware of Internet predators" As if we have rabid jackals lurking in our computers. "Are you aware that you're wearing white…

In any strip club, there will only only three men at the catwalk, watching the strippers. These men will only hand out one dollar tips, yet the strippers will somehow earn $1,000+ a night and live in lavish apartments. There will also be one bouncer in the strip club and a detective at the bar who "knows the girls". None of the strippers are ever crack or heroin addicts. All male action leads are able deliver straight face comedic lines in the face of danger. There is always a parking spot in front of any hospital, police station, movie theatre.…

I was instant messaging with my dear friend Minnie, yesterday. She mentioned that she had just gone to one of those fancy, all-day spa treatments. She had a chocolate body wrap and then 500 naked slave men washed her in Crystal champagne while virgin turtledoves flew down from heaven and fed her cheese nips.Or something like that.I replied that men would probably enjoy things like that if we didn't have to beat ourselves up afterward to stay manly. Later it dawned on me that if men did have a spa day, it would be a jillion times cooler than any…

Dear Continental, First of all let me thank you for all the exciting new terms I learned this week, while traveling on your aircraft. News to me: I thought "departure" meant "the time the plane will leave". I now know that it means, "the time we decide to announce that your plane will be two hours late." I thought a "Priority" sticker on luggage meant it would arrive first. I now know that it means "Low Priority" and will arrive last on the baggage carousel. I thought "baggage handling" meant by humans, not Hellboy. I guess the old Samsonite ads…

For the Gents (written by Davezilla) Experimental facial hair will warm the jowls and frighten the fair sex. "Prison-bitch" pants went the way of the Dodo. Take note. There is a fine line between looking ruggedly unshaven and looking like you've spent a weekend bender with Gary Busey. "Manpris" (capris for men) can only be worn by Belgian hairdressers. There is a finite limit to the number of clip-on electronic devices that you can acceptably wear, and that number is zero. For the Ladies (written by Natalie) Only vagabonds and homeless are allowed to wear more than three layers at…

President of the Liars Club Hidden Mine Finder New Orleans Levee Inspector Internet's First Spam Editor Toilet Paper Roll Holder for the Iraqi government Anal Toy Tester Barbara Bush's newest lawn ornament Stunt double for Carrot Top Bullshit Taster What jobs do you think he should apply for? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online…

Anyone operating a lawnmower, chainsaw, leafblower, snowblower, weed wacker; anything with a two stroke engine Anyone playing music I dislike Anyone with a brightly lit office Anyone walking loudly on the floor above me Anyone with too much cologne Anyone with garlicky food Anything that barks Anything that sings Anyone that is too perky Anyone who denies me chocolate or coffee (woe be unto them, for there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth) Anyone wearing any color other than black Anyone capable of speech Anyone enjoying themselves in my presence Anything resembling a phone, or capable of ringing, chirping…