Tag: Observations

  • Iron Chef Challenge

    Let’s see that bastard cook with these secret ingredients: Tears of a Clown Cream Rinse Shampoo Food for thought A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido Snake Oil Gum Arabic Hen’s Teeth Primordial Soup Mystery meat Any others? Anyone? Bueller? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra…

  • Bag Lady

    You know, after 12 years of doing this site, it takes a lot to surprise me. This one did it. A perfectly normal woman, nicely dressed, ordering a normal drink at Starbucks. She just happened to have her foot wrapped in a plastic shopping bag and scooted it along in a baby stroller. Speaking of…

  • Finish this story

    Nimbus Fallon, world-famous cloned sheep, had achieved super-human intelligence. Within hours of her birth she was gamboling about the meadow, days later she was explaining Fermat’s Theorum to college freshmen at Cornell University. At three months old, she became the first quadruped to solve a Rubik’s Cube with hooves. But early fame does not set…

  • More people we dislike #15

    Mean people who win the lottery. The cashier at Baja Fresh who continually gets my order wrong because, “There’s no other vegetarians.” Advertisers who are suffering from the delusion that all senior citizens spend each day walking in slow motion on the beach their golden retriever. People who say, “We’ll give them the dog and…

  • Eat Me

    I must admit to always being disturbed by pictures like this: food that can’t wait to end itself, smothering condiments on generously to assist in its own demise. As a child, I was horrified by hamburger joints that had cows eating burgers or licking their lips. Something about the cannibalistc cows deeply upset me. Is…

  • Complete this Sentence, #36

    “The worst thing about going to work on Monday is having to __________ all the __________ .” viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra…

  • Open letter to Scented Candle Makers

    To whom it may concern, I, like many American citizens, enjoy purchasing scented candles as a means to lighten the mood of a room, whether to herald the change of season, or perhaps to get laid. As a long-time purchaser of scented candles, I find myself qualified to venture an opinion or two on your…

  • Fun with Waitstaff

    As the waiter brings food to another table, pull out a shotgun and scream, “That’s my food! Goddamn, you thieving bastard!” and fire a warning shot into the waiter’s kneecap. Then look at the food, and with a confused look proclaim, “Oh, oops. That’s not what I ordered. My bad.” When they ask, “How does…

  • Eep!

    Comments database is seriously hosed, either from a bug or spammers. Working on it. Check back tomorrow. This is what I get for joking about ending the site. Update: Indi, the genius who runs Positive Fusion, saved the day (and years of comments!) by fixing Davezilla.com again. Positive Fusion has hosted Davezilla.com since 2001 and…

  • Apology

    I didn’t post yesterday for a reason. I spent the day thinking about where my life was going as a priest. My year is ending a month from now and I have to make some very tough decisions. One of them is ending this site. It’s been a good twelve years. I love the community…

  • Complete this Sentence, #35

    “If I had a dollar for every time you __________ at my __________, I’d be a very rich person by now.” viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra…

  • More people we can safely dislike #15

    The owners of American Girl dolls for being such bitches Mothers who ignore their child when it screams so loudly that banshees flee in terror. Mel Gibson, for proving once again, he is an utter bastard Mysoginistic Moroccans People who call me up and then immediately put me on hold.