Tag: Observations

  • “I have encountered a succubus,” Sir John said

  • New Year, New Pronouns

    ,

    According to my daughters, my pronouns are Bruh / Dude / and Hey!

  • Hurricane Categories Explained

    Hurricane strength levels are based on the amount of damage they cause. To make them easier to understand, follow this completely unscientific guide I made up: Cat 1: Plane full of screaming toddlersCat 2: Motorcycle gang moves in next doorCat 3: Killer Bees crossbreed with crowsCat 4: Hail the size of Toyota PriusesCat 5: Army…

  • Close encounters of the work kind

    A former coworker posted something today about the awkwardness of running into coworkers in public places. How, despite liking that person, you instantly lose the ability to form speech. It reminded me how even passing coworkers in the hallway at work can be awkward and soul-destroying. First Encounter: You smile, exchange pleasantries, and move on.…

  • “I’ll take ironic headlines for $600, Alex”

  • You can thank me later

  • You needed lungs of steel

    Remember this shit? I could never get a bubble bigger than 2” and it smelled like a Victorian turpentine factory. The bubbles were generally forest green with the faintest whisper of yellow. “Here, kids! It’s like lung cancer in a tube. Knock yourself out.” But don’t take my word for it. This shit was deadly.…

  • Only in Royal Oak…

    Longtime readers will know that I have spent the majority of my life in Royal Oak, Michigan — a strange little town with a penchant for weirdness. We could just as easily deserve our own version of Austin’s tagline. “ Keep Royal Oak weird.” Last night, while walking home with my honey, we noticed another…

  • Dear Satan,

    Seeing as how the world and its population have changed dramatically over the centuries, I have some suggestions for you on expanding Hell to accommodate some of Earth’s newer denizens. Please add new sections to Hell for the following: Cyber Squatters who hold onto URLs. Double Dippers at parties. People who park in handicapped spots…

  • Uber in India

  • I have questions…

  • Parenting: What no one told me

    So I became a father for the first time. At 49. I had pretty much given up the hope of having children, but then it happened. No, don’t congratulate me. It was easy. What wasn’t easy was sifting through the reams of advice you’re given from doctors, family, magazines, blogs, friends and complete strangers—yes the…

    dirty diapers