I BE LIVE

02 April, 2005Posted inUncategorized22 Comments
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Pope to star in upcoming Star Wars film

01 April, 2005Posted inAnnouncements27 Comments
Despite news stories that he is in ill health and receiving last rites, Pope John Paul II is starring in several action films this summer, including Lucas' newest effort as an ancient Jedi master. This summer, he is slated to appear in the next Harry Potter film, and finally, he will appear as The Thing in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie. "The Pope isn't sick. Far from it," said Vatican insiders who described his manner as "spritely" and "looking rather buff". John Paul, or "Killer P" as the Cardinals refer to him, is spending Spring Break in Cancun with some…

Fries with that?

31 March, 2005Posted inObservations39 Comments
It was the third Wednesday of the month and that meant the department was having its monthly lunch at the Boobatorium. It isn't really called that. It's sort of a poor man's Hooters. The typical sports bar you'd see in any town, except that the waitresses wear less than many swimsuit models. Our waitress's breasts seemed intent on leaving the confines of their flimsy fortress of fabric. Every time she bent over to leave a straw or napkin, she would intentionally press her arms together, forcing her breasts to smash and protrude like twin loaves of dough rising from inseparable…

The first one’s always free

30 March, 2005Posted inObservations26 Comments
You may be hooked emotionally and psychologically. You may have developed a physical dependence, too. If you're addicted to Flickr — whether it's legal or illegal — you have intense cravings for it. You want to use it again and again. When you stop seeing your photostream for even ten minutes, you may have unpleasant physical reactions. An estimated 9.5 million Americans over the age of 12 use Flickr. Many other people abuse or are addicted to photostreams. Digital cameras are the most commonly used method. While not everyone who uses Flickr becomes addicted, many people do. As many as…

Story problem

29 March, 2005Posted inObservations33 Comments
You have two cats. Each cat weighs about 8 pounds. Each cat eats 1/2 pound of dry food per week, Each cat also has its own litterbox with 20 pounds of litter. When you go to change the litterboxes, the litter in each box weighs 38 pounds. How is this possible?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase…

The Bruise Fairy

28 March, 2005Posted inUncategorized25 Comments
On Saturday, Natalie woke up with a sizable bruise on her inner thigh. I know. I thought the same thing. No. It was one of those phantom bruises that appear on the female anatomy without any discernable cause. Spontaneous Generation? Hardly. There is a much simpler and far more scientific explanation. The Bruise Fairy. He appears at night, lifts up the covers and, after ogling you a bit, gives your thighs, arms and bum and long hard pinch or three. No woman is safe from his oversized grip and famed left hook. Does anyone else have any Bruise Fairytales to…

Rottweilers, cats and Q-Tips

27 March, 2005Posted inObservations13 Comments
Last night, the lovely Natalie and I had dinner with the adorably witty Melissa and her charming husband, Logan. Those two are quite a pair and kept us laughing all night. Her retelling of the evening is far better than I could do, so please read her version. She includes an excellent description of our harrowing encounter with Rottweiler Man, whose stinky breath I can still feel on my neck.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side…

Meet the Americans No. 2

25 March, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
Phyllis Glabstrubber. Phyllis Glabstrubber. American. Bunions are acting up again. The glasses help smelling flowers. Never paying $4.95 for a lousy paperback again. Bra is too tight. Dying for a Virginia Slims 100. Nope, don't like the Pepsi Clear, either. Call that a dog? Damn kids. Toilet papered the trees again last night. Shoe's coming apart. Running out of the Gold Bond powder. Think I'll upgrade to first class on this flight.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women…

Open letter to the heavyset woman next to me on the plane

24 March, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
Dear Heavyset, You sat next to me in the first class section of flight 427 this evening. I wasn't ruffled when you accidentally dropped your lead-filled carry-on bag on my crotch. I stifled a scream when you dropped your styrofoam cup of scalding decaf on my kneecap. I resisted the urge to break your pinky when you became uncontrollably flatulent during takeoff. Then you got out your reading material and that was simply too much. Really. The "Tao of Texas Holdem Poker"? Please. Perhaps I could have overlooked this as merely a lack of culture in your life. I tried…

Caption Time #45

23 March, 2005Posted inCaption Time41 Comments
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Note to Self: 5,211

22 March, 2005Posted inObservations16 Comments
The next time one of the cats demands roasted corn for dinner, avoid looking in the litter box.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra…