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Got silk?

By Davezilla 13 January, 2006Observations32 Comments

As if it wasn't weird enough that scientists have been producing goats that give spider silk from their udders. Minnie and Nichole alerted me to two different articles on glow-in-the-dark pigs. It sounds like something a grandparent would say. "Yeah, that'll happen when pigs glow in the dark."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free…

Twenty things

By Davezilla 12 January, 2006Observations60 Comments

I have never pushed a hamster down a flight of stairs When people tell me they want to "think out of the box", I want to seal them in an airtight one Coffee-drinking is the sport of kings I am no friend of the mighty woodpecker I often wonder if the spork has ever been used lethally When a woman asks you to get Baby's Breath in her bouquet, she means a type of flower. Boy, did I ever screw that one up When pigs can fly, I'm buying a thicker umbrella I do not believe that anyone really likes…

Caption Time #90

By Davezilla 11 January, 2006Caption Time63 Comments

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Ten Best Sleep-Deprived Hallucinations

By Davezilla 10 January, 2006Observations44 Comments

My fingers are paralyzed and will never type again My eyelids are magnetized to each other I have not only read the same sentence eight times and still have no idea what it says, I remain quite convinced that it is changing meaning on me at will The cat is vomiting in my shoes. Wait, that might be realâ€¦ My belt is cutting me in half The glow-in-the-dark St. Isidore statuette my brother bought me is talking behind my back Spud will make fun of me when I post this. Oh wait, that one's real, tooâ€¦ The branch scraping against…

Dwarf and the Seven Snow Whites

By Davezilla 09 January, 2006Observations38 Comments

Once upon a time, Davezilla went to the Auto Show. There he met Seven Snow Whites living in the Cadillac exhibit. They were sweet and let him take their picture. They let a lot of men take their picture, in fact. Their names were DopedUp, Grungy, Suc, Clappy, Flashful, Sleazy and Creepy (the one on the far right). The Seven Snow Whites were having a lovely time posing for cameras and showing a bit too much skin, when who should stroll along, but a magical Dwarf who looked remarkably like the offspring of Ron Jeremy and a fig. The Dwarf…

Caption Time #89

By Davezilla 08 January, 2006Caption Time48 Comments

Blockbuster Night

By Davezilla 07 January, 2006Observations34 Comments

Tonight I went to see if Blockbuster Video on the off-chance had a used DVD of the recently released Serenity. They were sold out, but I was treated to a show nonetheless. As I was perusing the Pre-Viewed DVD aisle, I heard what sounded like a dinosaur throwing up. I turned the corner and saw the cause: a three year-old boy. You've seen the splash zones for the orcas at Sea World? This kid beat them by a solid meter. The following ensued: Boy's brother: "Eww! Ma-few frowed up!" Father: "Oh, he sure did." The fatherâ€”a dead ringer for David…

Things to avoid saying on a first date

By Davezilla 06 January, 2006Observations50 Comments

"Look! I Photoshopped what our future kids will look like." "Is it OK if my little brother films us?" "Even if you don't put out, I'm telling everyone you did." "You'd better chew on this wolfbane, and here, tie this pelt about your loins. It's … just a precaution." "Ever done it with a real clown before? "I'm severely lactose-intolerant, but I was craving dairy and had a half gallon of milk right before you showed up." "I have some Mexicans … um Mexican products in my trunk to drop off first." "I have fantasies about Dick Cheney." "I've always…

Complete this Sentence, #29

By Davezilla 05 January, 2006Uncategorized40 Comments

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Caption Time #88

By Davezilla 04 January, 2006Caption Time38 Comments

More people we dislike #5: Music Video Directors

By Davezilla 03 January, 2006Observations35 Comments

A special breed of artist, the music video director fancies himself one day a real film director. This of course, will never happen unless someone writes a movie about a ratty-looking guitarist breaking up with his supermodel girlfriend in the desert, while chicas in matching thongs choreograph the breakup in a New York City back alley. We hate you, video directors, because you all use the same video effects, the same yawnful slow motion pans across teary-eyed waifs and men with 5:00 shadow. No, we are neither enticed nor fooled by the tiny, red REC icon flashing on the video.…

Note to Self

By Davezilla 02 January, 2006Observations23 Comments

Trader Joe's vegetarian burritos are combustible and may explode upon contact with fork.