Category: Observations

  • Don’t Worry

    DAUGHTER: “Daddy? I need a new diaper.” ME: “You do? OK, I think we can handle that.” ME: “Oh, this is a bad one.” DAUGHTER: “Don’t worry, Daddy. It’s only poop. It not bite you.”

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Are you gonna choke yourself noy?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSyGRut7T0s Are you gonna choke yourself noy? via Lung the Younger

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • I like George Washington

    “I like George Washington waaay better than Spiderman.” —Five year-old boy at the park.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Hipster Jokes (before they go mainstream)

    Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn’t know. It’s a really obscure number. Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: Force her into the mainstream. Q: What unit do you use to weigh hipsters? A: Instagrams. Q: How do you kill a hipster? A: Stab him…

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    Davezilla
    Hipster Jokes (before they go mainstream)

  • The Contents of Our Pug’s Stomach

    We have a fat, old pug named Bennie. He’ll be 14 years old this year, so we don’t really give him shit about being husky. I’ve heard that Pugs cannot eat chocolate. That it’s poisonous to them. No one sent that memo to Bennie. He’s eaten chocolate, literally by the pound. He’s also eaten a…

    Written by

    Davezilla
    The Contents of Our Pugs Stomach

  • My Asshole Cats

    My Asshole Cats …Refuse to chase their toys until I’m in 4th stage REM sleep. …Only get nauseous when the floor is clean. And only on the hardwood. …Are responsible for 99% of all poltergeist activity in the lower 48 states. …Inform me their claws need trimming when they are sitting on my crotch. …Allow…

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    Davezilla
    asshole cats

  • I have a quwestion

    Thank you for your patience! Your AT&T Representative will be with you shortly. Welcome! You are now chatting with ‘Vanessa‘ Vanessa: Hi David, Thanks for chatting, let me help you with your concern Dave: thank you Vanessa: Your welcome! Dave: You’re, not your. Vanessa: I’m not sure what you mean. Dave: You wrote “Your welcome”,…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Redneck Death or Innovation?

    If it seems contrary to common sense, you’re either about to die a redneck death, or have an innovative breakthrough. —Davezilla

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    Davezilla

  • My daughter follows the Pope on Twitter

    Letting my 10 month-old girl play on my laptop. She manages to call up Pope Francis’ Twitter page and turn off the TV.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Shiny Coat

    I caught my 10 month-old gnawing on our Pug’s Busy Bone. On the plus side, at least she’ll have a shiny coat.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Spirit Animal

    I think my spirit animal was taken by the Humane Society and put up for adoption.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Parenting: What no one told me

    So I became a father for the first time. At 49. I had pretty much given up the hope of having children, but then it happened. No, don’t congratulate me. It was easy. What wasn’t easy was sifting through the reams of advice you’re given from doctors, family, magazines, blogs, friends and complete strangers—yes the…

    Written by

    Davezilla
    dirty diapers