Observations

On many occasions I have mentioned my downstairs neighbors that hail from Albania. They have some recipes that give one pause as to their immediate origin. In time, one begins to identify the unique and fetid aromas that waft miasmatically from their kitchen. I thought I'd share the wealth with my readers and provide you, periodically with home recipes from my downstairs denizens. Toad Melt 2 c. No-brand baking mix 1/3 c. dog milk 1 large toad, chopped and drained 1/2 c. finely chopped crabgrass 1/3 c. expired mayonnaise 2 tbsp. mud relish 6 slices Albanian donkey cheese Heat oven…

Albanian neighbor: Get car. Me: Excuse me? Albanian neighbor: Get car. New. Is. Get car. Me: Uh, oh that's a rental car. Mine is in the shop. Albanian neighbor: Is nice get car. Me: Yes, it is nice to get a car. Albanian neighbor: You watch Olympuh-nick? Me: Yes, Greece just lost to the US in volleyball. Albanian neighbor: Yes. Wolley vall. They lose. Me: Were you voting for Greece or America? Albanian neighbor: Get car. Nice.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples…

If the garbage bag of cat litter is too full, and you're hustling to the dumpster before it rips wide open, wear shoes and socks next time.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra…

I got to thinking about how people name their boats and wondered if I had a boat, what would I name it? Here's some suggestions I recommend avoiding at all costs: Sea Maiden's Drool Bucket Ocean Loaf Cthulhu's Tantrum Paris Hilton's Bikini Jimmy Hoffa's Coffin River Chunk Leaky Heap Wet Bastard Peanutbutter and Jellyfish The Sea Ho viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra…

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Owing to some past-life, seventh generation Irish curse, I have been destined to tarry on this earth forever branded as the poor soul with the squeaky shopping cart. It never fails. I test and experiment, to the dismay and amusement of other savvy shoppers, but always end up with the cart that sounds like a thousand metal rakes dragging carelessly across a chalkboard the breadth of the Mississippi River. Being the victim of this lifelong curse has taught me one thing: the curse cannot be broken, but it can be exploited. Pretend your cart has a flat. Drag a jack…

Yoggy Yog: Yo man, pick up the phone. Pick up the phooooone, bitch. … C'mon, you squid-lookin' muthafuckah. Pick up the damn phone! Operator: Collect call from … Snoop Yoggy Yog? Uh, for Mister Keth-uh-loo? Do you accept the charges? Cthulhu: The Hells you want? Yoggy Yog: Shut it, fool. Where's my CD, beyotch? Cthulhu: CD? I ain't promised you no damn CD? Man, why you gotta be that way? Yoggy Yog: What way? Cthulhu: Calling me collect. Your celly get turned off AGAIN? Yoggy Yog: Maybe. Cthulhu: Bitch, I can't help you if you can't even pay your damn…

Do not rub eyes after using the kitchen sponge. Do not look at the hot secretary while walking towards the heavy glass door. Check your zipper before meeting new clients. :oops: No matter how tempting or funny it seems, do not put tortilla chips on the cats' heads. They will wait until lights out and retaliate. Never trust a woman who wears enough mascara to scare a raccoon. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects…

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I went to Victoria's Secret with my friend Lisa on Saturday. Long story. Cut to the chase. VS is a pretty good place to hear some interesting conversations. Mother: I can't believe you wore that yellow skirt to the mall. [Daughter is around 15 and wearing a thin yellow mini] I can see your thong right through it. How embarassing. Daughter: … Mother: You know, you don't have to wear anything under it. Overweight wife: [points to a beautiful corset] Oh, isn't that beautiful? I wish I were thin. I would totally wear that. Overweight husband: Oh, but you are…