Today’s horoscope

06 December, 2004Posted inObservations20 Comments
Aries: An embarassing day. Right in the middle of your presentation to the board of directors, you realize you forgot to wear underwear. And a skirt. Taurus: Damn. No fruit pies left in the vending machine. Gemini: Mercury retrograde goes aginst you as you accidentally book all three of your girlfriends for a date at the same restaurant, on the same night, at the same time. Cancer: Still can't find … remote control … going into … convulsions … Leo: Afternoon spent gazing at your reflection. Or was that all morning? Does it matter? Better spend the evening in front…

Why did you eat my boots, Mr. Krabs?

03 December, 2004Posted inObservations26 Comments
Unless you've been living on Mars, you’ve heard several short news items recently about a rash of Spongebob Squarepants inflatables being stolen from the roofs of Burger King restaurants across the United States. I don’t think the Spongebobs are being stolen. They’re escaping, and they’re up to something. What’s your theory?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase…

Complete this sentence #15

27 November, 2004Posted inObservations20 Comments
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14 year-old Thanksgiving memories

25 November, 2004Posted inObservations23 Comments
Thuisrday, 11am dear deadjournal readers, this may be the last u hear from me. no, i promise no more suicide attempts. 3 years in a row and kurt cobain STILL hasn't contacted me. wanker. i'm sure u smell real good now, kurt. as good as courtney's ruby starfruit. lol!! i fear this is the end. it's thanksgiving today and my parent are dragging me to my enormous carpenter aunt's house for dinner. her food is sheer microwaved venom. i will surely perish. if so, please leave my ipod to kyle (*smooch*) and my hissing cockroach is to be let loose…

In the Beginning, God created the hobbits and the dwarves…

23 November, 2004Posted inObservations38 Comments
Have you read about the ridiculous goings-on in Georgia schools? They are actually placing "evolution is a theory" stickers in science books? If not, here is the actual sticker being placed into high school science books (Yes, in this century). This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered. — SOURCE I have several problems with this. For one thing, never delude a child. For another, I get so tired of Creationists saying ridiculous things like,…

Overheard: Q’Doba Edition

22 November, 2004Posted inObservations32 Comments
Was eating in a local Mexican chain and the New Age Hippie Beast next to me in line carried on the following conversation: Line Cook (LC): What would you like, Ma'am? New Age Hippie Beast (NAHB): I want … that vegetable grilled buh-meeta? LC: Fajita? NAHB: That's the one. LC: What kind of salsa would you like on it? NAHB: What kind do you have? LC: Mild, Medium, Hot and Corn Salsa. NAHB: I'll have Ranch. LC: We … don't have Ranch. NAHB: I saw the word Ranch somewhere. LC: Here? NAHB: Maybe it was at home. LC: OK, well…

Complete this sentence #14, Victoria’s Secret Edition

20 November, 2004Posted inObservations26 Comments
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Random Effluvia

17 November, 2004Posted inObservations29 Comments
I would like to build a popcorn-powered car. It would make a pleasing sound when driving and the exhaust would be tasty and make small birds happy. Teeth never inflate when you inhale, cause that would look really stupid. I'm glad it never rains skunks and porcupines. I heard someone say that we need to pray for peace. Except I thought she said, peas. So I prayed for peas. Then I had some for dinner. I'm glad I prayed for those peas, cause they were good. Whose bad idea was it to make a corn popsicle? viagra free viagra buy…

Overheard: Small change edition

16 November, 2004Posted inObservations20 Comments
Me: I’ll have a cappuccino with an extra shot. Barista: That’ll be $4.03. Me: [hands her a $20] Barista: Don’t you have anything smaller? Me: Yes, I have some nickels. Barista: …viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk…

Note to self: 5,099

15 November, 2004Posted inObservations17 Comments
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Honeymoon Poem. Finally, a talent equal to Tiny Tim

14 November, 2004Posted inObservations34 Comments
If you've ever had any doubts whether or not Britney Spears has any talent, let me shoot them in the foot right now, then bend those doubts over, give them a knee to the groin, pull their shirt over their head and sweep their legs. Perhaps I am being too harsh. Perhaps it is because I have been watching martial arts movies all morning. I am of course, referring to Britney's "Honeymoon Poem." It is, if I may quote George Bush, "A catastrophic success." Forget all the inane LiveJournal goth poetry you've ever begrudgingly read. This one beats them all.…