Category: Observations

Reward their singing by pouring delicious, hot soup in their chilly hands. Offer to accompany them on the electric sitar and mouth harp. Fill snowballs with yogurt and fire away. Follow in the footsteps of our ancestors by pouring boiling oil out the window on them. Join along in the singing, allowing your Tourette Syndrome…

Niece: [points to her purple jacket] This is unicorn fur. Niece: But don’t worry. It’s fake. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest…

Aries: An embarassing day. Right in the middle of your presentation to the board of directors, you realize you forgot to wear underwear. And a skirt. Taurus: Damn. No fruit pies left in the vending machine. Gemini: Mercury retrograde goes aginst you as you accidentally book all three of your girlfriends for a date at…

Thuisrday, 11am dear deadjournal readers, this may be the last u hear from me. no, i promise no more suicide attempts. 3 years in a row and kurt cobain STILL hasn’t contacted me. wanker. i’m sure u smell real good now, kurt. as good as courtney’s ruby starfruit. lol!! i fear this is the end.…

Have you read about the ridiculous goings-on in Georgia schools? They are actually placing “evolution is a theory” stickers in science books? If not, here is the actual sticker being placed into high school science books (Yes, in this century). This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the…

Was eating in a local Mexican chain and the New Age Hippie Beast next to me in line carried on the following conversation: Line Cook (LC): What would you like, Ma’am? New Age Hippie Beast (NAHB): I want … that vegetable grilled buh-meeta? LC: Fajita? NAHB: That’s the one. LC: What kind of salsa would…

I would like to build a popcorn-powered car. It would make a pleasing sound when driving and the exhaust would be tasty and make small birds happy. Teeth never inflate when you inhale, cause that would look really stupid. I’m glad it never rains skunks and porcupines. I heard someone say that we need to…

Me: I’ll have a cappuccino with an extra shot. Barista: That’ll be $4.03. Me: [hands her a $20] Barista: Don’t you have anything smaller? Me: Yes, I have some nickels. Barista: … viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free…

The next time you decide to drink absinthe until 4am with your friends, make sure there will be no construction going on at 6am next door. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women…