Category: Observations

  • 2005 New Year’s Resolutions

    I promise not to roll my cats in powdered cheese. I will not randomly dial extensions at work and tell coworkers they’ve been let go. I resolve not to post any pictures of myself in a thong. I promise not to mistake cat laxatives for toothpaste at my GF’s house. I will not invite Shannen…

  • Note to Self: No. 5,230

    Do not let David mistake Phoebe’s cat laxative for toothpaste. Again. 🙄 viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra…

  • Things that sound dirty, but aren’t

    Snowfall Edition After a conversation with my new coworker Jim, I was inspired to rerun an old post on the topic: I got over nine inches last night. Man, that white stuff is covering everything. I can barely see my own car! I love when it lands on my tongue. Go on. Lick that pole.…

  • Note to Self: 5,116

    Do not touch black sweater with running electric toothbrush. Again. 😐 viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative…

  • Note to Self: 5,110

    Next time the weather forecasters predict 12″ of snow overnight, consider shutting the car windows all the way. 😐 viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra…

  • Anagram Interview: Paris Hilton

    DISCLAIMER: Before you scratch your head or send me hate mail, please note that this is a fake interview. The answers were created by rearranging the letters in Paris Hilton [anagramming]. Davezilla: “First off, how do you start the week?”Paris Hilton: “I plan or shit.” Davezilla: “Um, Paris? What are you doing under the table?…

  • Annoying Words: Christmas 2004 Edition

    Protracted insurgency: No, it’s a war. Plain and simple. Deck: Yes, some sad hipsters still use this. Fab, faboo and fabs: [shudder] Calling white folk crackers. Please. The proper term is “pasty white cracker”. Misusing the word mod. Sorry, but painting your rocking chair is not “modding it”. Neither is putting a Ché Guevara patch…

  • Note to Self: 5,105

    Two soup issues in one week. Unfair. Next time we make boiling hot miso, avoid spilling it directly on the nether regions. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female…

  • Lacklustre Video

    As you may have read yesterday, Blockbuster Inc. announced it is eliminating late fees on all its video tapes, DVDs and video games as of January 1st, 2005. However, customers will be given a one-week grace period to return the product. After that grace period ends, Blockbuster will automatically sell them the product, minus the…

  • Note to Self: 5,104

    The next time you make corn chowder, try to stay awake for the stirring process. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra…

  • My day so far #2

    I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was under it. While attempting to extract myself from the boxspring’s grasp I was attacked by a band of voracious dust bunnies, that were obviously high on goofers. No quarter was I shown by the merciless ways of the marauding dust bunnies. They removed…

  • Top Ten Hogwarts Pickup Lines

    Wana ride my Nimbus 2000? Let me show what Slytherin really means. How’d you like to model my Cloak of Invisibility? I’ve got the biggest wand on campus, babe. I’ve just mastered levitation, honey. Wanna see something rise? I’ve done the entire Quidditch team. I’m no werewolf, but I can turn into an animal. I…