Category: Observations

You have two cats. Each cat weighs about 8 pounds. Each cat eats 1/2 pound of dry food per week, Each cat also has its own litterbox with 20 pounds of litter. When you go to change the litterboxes, the litter in each box weighs 38 pounds. How is this possible? viagra free viagra buy…

Last night, the lovely Natalie and I had dinner with the adorably witty Melissa and her charming husband, Logan. Those two are quite a pair and kept us laughing all night. Her retelling of the evening is far better than I could do, so please read her version. She includes an excellent description of our…

Phyllis Glabstrubber. Phyllis Glabstrubber. American. Bunions are acting up again. The glasses help smelling flowers. Never paying $4.95 for a lousy paperback again. Bra is too tight. Dying for a Virginia Slims 100. Nope, don’t like the Pepsi Clear, either. Call that a dog? Damn kids. Toilet papered the trees again last night. Shoe’s coming…

Dear Heavyset, You sat next to me in the first class section of flight 427 this evening. I wasn’t ruffled when you accidentally dropped your lead-filled carry-on bag on my crotch. I stifled a scream when you dropped your styrofoam cup of scalding decaf on my kneecap. I resisted the urge to break your pinky…

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When men take women to shop for lingerie, there’s one small problem. While you’re off in your cramped changing room, slipping into your flimsy underthings, we have to stay outside and look natural. As any man can attest to, this is no small feat. Try putting your hands in your front pockets in a crowded…

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Carrot Top Carrot Top must be punished for being the least amusing comedian since Sheckie Green. His punishment will be to be buried alive with only his hair showing. Michael Jackson For years of being a spoiled, freakish, child-poking medical oddity, he must be surgically dismantled and melted down into candle wax. The candles will…

You’re dining alone, but you have multiple personalities. Is it proper to request separate checks? You’re performing an exorcism on your significant other’s mother. Is it socially acceptable to tie her down and gag her with duct tape? Your cable repairman has severe plumber’s crack going on and a receipt is wedged in said crack.…

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