Etiquette quiz

  1. You’re dining alone, but you have multiple personalities. Is it proper to request separate checks?
  2. You’re performing an exorcism on your significant other’s mother. Is it socially acceptable to tie her down and gag her with duct tape?
  3. Your cable repairman has severe plumber’s crack going on and a receipt is wedged in said crack. Do you: a) Remove it quickly and then burn your hands? b) Pretend to ignore it, while stifling church giggles? or c) Take pictures and post them on Davezilla?
  4. Your boss’s combover is flipping in the wind during a company picnic. Is it acceptable to douse his head liberally with lighter fluid and set him ablaze?
  5. You invite your girlfriend to a Buddhist temple. Should she be offended to hear it’s customary for her to take off her shoes and get on her knees?
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17 Replies to “Etiquette quiz”

  1. 1. No, the waitstaff hates splitting checks.
    2. I don’t need an exorcism as an excuse to do that.
    3. Post on Davezilla, of course.
    4. No.
    5. There’s a Buddhist temple just up the road from where I live. I should stop in sometime and visit.

  2. I’m glad you brought up these questions dave, they’ve been worrying me for awhile now.

    I digress…

    Answers :-

    1. Oh hell yeah!

    2. Yeah! …plus knocking her out with a suitably large and heavy blunt object.

    3. C

    4. I have no idea but it sounds good

    5. She shouldn’t be offended at anytime

    😀

  3. Damn, I didn’t study!

    Ok, here goes:

    1) Only if you remove your pants, and place them over your head.
    2) I normally use the lace tablecloth in her dining room, but yes.
    3) B (I’d probaby be laughing too hard to have the foresight to take a picture)
    4) Tempting, but why put the poor, dead squirrel through any more agony and embarrassment?
    5) That’s assuming that: a) I play for the other team, and b) if we weren’t already gettin’ crazy with the monks at the teppanyaki place down the street.

  4. 1) Yes, I mean no, I mean, more coffee please.

    2) Yes, yes it is.

    3) Definitely C

    4) I don’t know if my boss has a “haed” I’m not sure what it is… if I ask him if he has one, would I get fired? :wtf:

    5) 😈

  5. 1). We can’t decide what to do.
    2). I don’t care. I’ll staple her to the ground if need be.
    3). D. Grab it and never let go (okay I’m sick, I know).
    4). Don’t need the excuse (combover) to set the slavedriver on fire !!
    5). The knees-part I get …. not the shoes … oh, OFCOURSE, they are left there so Dave’s cats can puke up their hairballs in them.

  6. 1. The waitstaff might kick you out for this.
    2. Sure
    3. The Obvious answer is c) Take pictures and post them on Davezilla?
    4. Not unless I don’t like my job…
    5. ok if I played both teams I’d have to say why should she be offended?

  7. 1. The waitstaff might kick you out for this.

    Well, if you’re asking for separate checks at the end of the meal, that could mean a free meal, right?

  8. 1. Tell the waiter the other guy is gonna cover it.
    2. As fortold in the prophecy.
    3. Hmmm tough one. I’d go with B
    4. Yes as an offering to the Dark Overlord
    5. Same rules as at home shouldn’t be a problem.

  9. “As techniques go, this is pretty easy: just contrive to get bitten by a were-horse. You’ve just got to find one. – Methods of Becoming a Horse – Lycanthropy

    :dead:

    1. You’re dining alone, but you have multiple personalities. Is it proper to request separate checks?
    2. No, you should invite your significant others to a proper meal and pick up the check in a magnanimous flourish

    3. You’re performing an exorcism on your significant other’s mother. Is it socially acceptable to tie her down and gag her with duct tape?
    4. Not only is it socially acceptable in this instance, but required. You will find as your relationship develops that there are literally hundreds of situations where tape and rope will be required

    5. Your cable repairman has severe plumber’s crack going on and a receipt is wedged in said crack. Do you: a) Remove it quickly and then burn your hands? b) Pretend to ignore it, while stifling church giggles? or c) Take pictures and post them on Davezilla?
    6. By all means, you should take pictures. Don’t attempt to remove the receipt as it may not be what it seems (i.e. toilet paper)

    7. Your boss’s combover is flipping in the wind during a company picnic. Is it acceptable to douse his head liberally with lighter fluid and set him ablaze?
    8. This is a trick question: everyone knows that you should never impede your boss’s ability to sign paychecks, especially your own

    9. You invite your girlfriend to a Buddhist temple. Should she be offended to hear it’s customary for her to take off her shoes and get on her knees?
    10. She should never be offended being on her knees in a “worship” position. In fact, she should be quite used to it by now.

  10. 1. Yes, but only if you had multiple orders and multiple credit cards (or just enough money, I guess).

    2. Absolutely! Hopefully she’ll get painful rope burn, reminding her not to get possessed again; AND the duct-tape gag will probably remove her unsightly uppler-lip mustache. Yay! Everyone wins!!

    3. Definitely C. And from as many “artistic” angles as possible. Hah!

    4. No. But it is politically correct to apply Elmer’s Glue liberally and then give his combover the pat-down.

    5. Hell, no! She should be used to it by now!!

  11. It’s acceptable to set anyone with a combover ablaze, especially if they have doused their remaining hair with, thereby unwittingly providing you with an accelerant.

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