PML 1.0 Specification

30 June, 2005Posted inObservations20 Comments
WARNING: Extreme geek humor ahead PML (Porno Markup Language), a pornographic computer language specification proposed by DL Byron is nearly ready for release by the W3C. The specifications are as follows: Latest version: http://www.w3.org/TR/porno-spec/ Previous version: http://www.w3.org/TR/2005/TIT-porno-spec-20050428/ Editor: DL Byron Contributors: Davezilla W3C Jerking Draft 30 June 2005 PML is a general-porno markup language designed for representing the sex industry for a wide range of perversions across the World Wide Web. To this end it does not attempt to be all things to all people, supplying every possible kinky jerkoff idiom, but to supply a generally useful set of naughty…

Top ten ways to annoy your coworkers

29 June, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
Send company layoff emails from their desk while they are away at lunch. Eat other coworkers' lunch. Frame your coworker by leaving a trail of crumbs to their desk and put the leftovers in their wastepaper basket. Piranhas in the water cooler. Apply for a job with the competition under your coworker's name and have all correspondence sent to the front desk. Change their password while they are on vacation. Make no attempt to memorize the new one. Use up all the ink in their pens and put back in the drawer or pencil holder exactly where they were. Add…

Stop it. Just stop.

27 June, 2005Posted inObservations17 Comments
I have determined that "What the heckers?" is the single worst euphemism I have ever heard.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra…

The truth behind FUPA

27 June, 2005Posted inObservations31 Comments
FUPA Acronym for "Fat Upper Pubic Area"; common misinterpretations include "Fat Upper Pussy Area," "Fat Upper Penile Area" and "Farting Under Pelicans Asses." Also, often confused with FUBU, an overpriced brand of clothes that suburban caucasian adolescent males wear to impress suburban caucasian females who associate the clothing with large genitalia. From the Urban Dictionary OK, we've all seen FUPA before. It's not a new phenomenon. What is new to me is seeing skinny women with FUPA. How is that possible? I suspect, and follow me on this, that FUPA may not be a ring of fat, after all. I…

Pickup lines that suck

25 June, 2005Posted inObservations18 Comments
"I suppose a lot of men stare at your tits, huh?" "You like cartoon rabbits, too? I like dressing up as one in bed." "That's a really sexy bra. I stole one just like that from my neighbor's clothesline." "Lemme have a few more beers first so you look pretty." "That's a hot dress. Makes you kind of look like a hooker. Wait, you're not a cop, are you?" "You remind of someone. My frat brother, Gunther. Man, could he put away the beer!" "I really wish they'd rerun BJ and the Bear. I could be watching that while you…

Unlikely pizza toppings

22 June, 2005Posted inObservations20 Comments
Sea Monkeys Papsmearoni The milk of human kindness Cactus marmalade* Contraceptive jelly The fruit of my loins* Peanut brittle Italian sausage, made from real Italians Gummi Bears* The apple of my eye *With help from the lovely Natalieviagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying…

Lose your lunch Friday

17 June, 2005Posted inObservations12 Comments
Wow. Last night as I read my email I was aghast by some of the links that came in. MJJ Source, Link via Esther Unicorn Orgy. Hummel figurines for bestial pagans? [NFSW] Too sick to work, but not too sick to wrestle alligators viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra…

How to speak in account rep

16 June, 2005Posted inObservations10 Comments
When they say, "The client wants to move in a new direction…" They mean, "I want to move in a new direction…" When they say, "The client believes your idea may be detrimental to their business." They mean, "I have no idea what your idea means. Does it have like, science or something?" When they say, "The client still hasn't come to a decision on that yet." They mean, "I forgot to call the client. Again." When they say, "This is a rush project." They mean, "I just found this folder behind my desk. It's been there since last September."…

Note to Self, No. 5,605

15 June, 2005Posted inObservations23 Comments
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Note to Self, No. 5,602

14 June, 2005Posted inObservations12 Comments
The next time we share ice cream with the cats, wear a tinfoil hat afterward to shield our brain from the cats. They are trying to melt our brain with their heat vision.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra…

Top ten worst things about summer

13 June, 2005Posted inObservations18 Comments
Finding Earwigs in your shoes Discovering how many of your neighbors and coworkers eschew deoderant. Realizing your neighbors have turned into Earwigs. Smelling year-old grease burning on your neighbour's barbecue. Realizing it's not grease; they're grilling Earwigs. Seeing a sexy woman adjusting her Daisy Dukes from behind and realizing she's actually a man. Trying your mother's potato salad at a picnic, tasting a bad piece of potato and discovering it's an Earwig. Seeing your next-door neighbor stripping out of her flimsy tank top and sitting naked on the balcony. She's built like John Goodman. Watching your air conditioner die on…

I’ve always hoped it to be true

11 June, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
I just don't even know where to begin with this one. A group of Christians that believes threesomes are Biblically allowable, providing it's always one male and two females (aw yeah!). Witness for yourself ('scuse the pun) Sex in Christ.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples…