Category: Observations

  • That Dirty Hill guy

    [ picking up my lunch ] CLERK: ZZ Top. ME: Wha? CLERK: You. Your beard. ME: […] CLERK: You look like the ZZ Top guy. ME: I’ve gotten that before, yes. CLERK: Yeah, I bet. That Dirty Hill guy. That’s who you look like. ME: You mean Dusty Hill? CLERK: Whatever it was. Here ya…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • New Year, New Pronouns

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    According to my daughters, my pronouns are Bruh / Dude / and Hey!

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Hurricane Categories Explained

    Hurricane strength levels are based on the amount of damage they cause. To make them easier to understand, follow this completely unscientific guide I made up: Cat 1: Plane full of screaming toddlersCat 2: Motorcycle gang moves in next doorCat 3: Killer Bees crossbreed with crowsCat 4: Hail the size of Toyota PriusesCat 5: Army…

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    Davezilla

  • Chickens are metal

    I just had a “Snap Meal” from Imperfect Foods. Prior to this “meal” I assumed that chickens were avian, organic lifeforms, descended from dinosaurs. I know better now. They are, in fact, one of the toxic heavy metal compounds along with lead, arsenic, beryllium, et al. Hiding them in orange grease does not disguise their…

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    Davezilla

  • I’ve been thinking about birds lately

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    Davezilla

  • Close encounters of the work kind

    A former coworker posted something today about the awkwardness of running into coworkers in public places. How, despite liking that person, you instantly lose the ability to form speech. It reminded me how even passing coworkers in the hallway at work can be awkward and soul-destroying. First Encounter: You smile, exchange pleasantries, and move on.…

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    Davezilla

  • Lies clients (still) tell freelancers

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    The lies clients tell freelancers never change. I often wonder if there’s a business class where the prof tells students which lies to use on us.

    Written by

    Davezilla
    A Greek statue of a man facepalming from all the client lies he hears

  • “I’ll take ironic headlines for $600, Alex”

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    Davezilla

  • When do we decide if someone is batshit crazy?

    I know. That term is politically incorrect. And I am not applying it to those with true mental illnesses. I’m talking about those times when eccentricity goes a wee bit over the top. And stays there. You’ve doubtless met others who have decided to become eccentric, perhaps even the town eccentric, but it was clearly…

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    Davezilla

  • Random effluvia, No. 1,202

    I hate the taste of brushing your teeth after drinking orange juice. Even worse is an apple followed by a Pep-O-Mint Lifesaver. Don’t try this at home.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Only in Royal Oak…

    Longtime readers will know that I have spent the majority of my life in Royal Oak, Michigan — a strange little town with a penchant for weirdness. We could just as easily deserve our own version of Austin’s tagline. “ Keep Royal Oak weird.” Last night, while walking home with my honey, we noticed another…

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    Davezilla

  • Garganornis: Even its name is evil

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    Just picture being a Cro Magnon. You’ve just gotten a nice cave in the ‘burbs for the fam. Worked hard on the garden damn, those 15 lb. Rafflesia flowers are looking fine. Then you hear it. Honking. Not the wimpy honk of a long-dead Velociraptor. Nope. There used to be a giant goose named Garganornis.…

    Written by

    Davezilla