Year: 2007

Longtime reader Marcus recently told me of the worst “Secret Santa” gift he ever received: ”I once received a black beaded woman’s handbag. I guess they were thinking a woman would get the gift.” I have never had much luck one way or the other in those. I’ve only been in three. The first time…

Your friends routinely throw sheep at you. You do not find this at all disturbing. You start dreaming your friends are all werewolves and you’re a vampire. You do not slayall of them as you need at least one to play Scrabulous with. You’ve groped, dry-humped, licked and trout-slapped 190 women that you’ve never met…

Lube Lifesize nude portrait of yourself and your spouse The Satanic Bible His and Hers Matching Thongs Black Velvet Oil Painting of a Clown Slash fiction about your inlaws The Collected Works of GG Allin Chocolate poop in a diaper What gifts do you think are risky? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra…

Every year, the Bell’s Brewery hosts Eccentric Day, a day long beer-tasting fest. Drinking begins promptly at 8:00 AM and ends really damn late (4 AM?). I can’t drink that long. Anyway, a stipulation of entering is dressing in costume. The group I went with came dressed as Friars. Cause you know, monks invented beer.…

Ever see movies where the hero goes through some wild adventure, wakes up and realizes it was all a dream, but miraculously has an object in their hand from the dream? This kept happening to me. I kept waking up with objects on my chest. This morning it was a shiny metal knob which I…