Year: 2006
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Airplane Safety Tips #2
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Caption Time #142
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Teef
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Notes to Self, No. 6,230-6,232
If you think wearing all white will get you mistaken for the Michelin Man, try wearing a white ski jacket downtown No matter how high you turn up the air on the plane, you will not cover up the foot odor of the shoeless professor across the aisle The effectiveness of a child’s scream on…
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This will not end well
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What not to name your children
The following baby names are all unfortunately real. They get progressively worse. Precious Champagne Gene Pool Phred Brook Rainbow Trout Karizyma Cinsere Aryan Justice Lake Avalon Confession Abyss Sparkle N/A (I swear) Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone’s spawn) Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee’s brat) BILOXI, Miss. – Leann Real promised her husband, an avid sports fan, that…
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Happy Happy Halloween
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A hatred of Hummers
Picking up where a post from March, 2002 left off, Natalie and I decided to write new collective nouns for specific brands of automobiles. A hatred of Hummers An embarrassment of PT Cruisers A granola of Subarus A weeping of Saabs A tuning of Civics An ickle of Mini Coopers A swarm of VW Beetles…
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Notes to Self No. 6,227-6,228
The probability of spilling coffee on an expensive, white shirt is determined by a ratio of the cost of the shirt versus the importance of the executives you have meetings with that day. Do not assume the 401 Hwy will be accident-free on a Friday night. It took 3-1/2 hours to drive 8 km last…
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Bitch! Gimme back my wallet.
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More people we dislike #12
Clueless men who wear Crocs with business suits to work. This cannot be allowed to continue and I beseech all my loyal readers to grievously harm anyone attempting this. The balding, boorish Boomer—unacceptably impatient in line at the coffeehouse and swearing at everyone to hurry up—who had no idea what he wanted when his turn…
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Nice pants. Who shot the couch?
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