Airplane Safety Tips #2

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Caption Time #142

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Teef

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Notes to Self, No. 6,230-6,232

If you think wearing all white will get you mistaken for the Michelin Man, try wearing a white ski jacket downtown No matter how high you turn up the air on the plane, you will not cover up the foot odor of the shoeless professor across the aisle The effectiveness of a child's scream on an airplane is directly proportional to the length of the flight and how much sleep you need viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for…

This will not end well

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What not to name your children

The following baby names are all unfortunately real. They get progressively worse. Precious Champagne Gene Pool Phred Brook Rainbow Trout Karizyma Cinsere Aryan Justice Lake Avalon Confession Abyss Sparkle N/A (I swear) Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone's spawn) Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee's brat) BILOXI, Miss. - Leann Real promised her husband, an avid sports fan, that if they ever had a son he'd get to pick the name. ESPN Montana Real was born this week at Biloxi Regional Medical Center. BBC News Online reports that Jon Blake Cusack, of Holland, Michigan, has named his son Version 2.0. Jythsaint Orielle-Floriane Zxyrill (only…

Happy Happy Halloween

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A hatred of Hummers

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Notes to Self No. 6,227-6,228

The probability of spilling coffee on an expensive, white shirt is determined by a ratio of the cost of the shirt versus the importance of the executives you have meetings with that day. Do not assume the 401 Hwy will be accident-free on a Friday night. It took 3-1/2 hours to drive 8 km last night.

Bitch! Gimme back my wallet.

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More people we dislike #12

Clueless men who wear Crocs with business suits to work. This cannot be allowed to continue and I beseech all my loyal readers to grievously harm anyone attempting this. The balding, boorish Boomer—unacceptably impatient in line at the coffeehouse and swearing at everyone to hurry up—who had no idea what he wanted when his turn arrived. Politicians who try to brainwash their countrymen through bullying and repetition, then change their minds and feign sudden amnesia. People who say Hispanic, when they mean Spanish language. The rude bastard at the office that takes one bite out of a donut and puts…

Nice pants. Who shot the couch?

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