In the news

I was reading in the news that Britney Spears finally pushed out a puppy. Preston Michael Spears. I fear for this child having the initials "PMS", while his mother's are "BS".

Caption Time #70

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Prolapsed Pachyderm

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Caption Time #69

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More things that sound dirty, but aren’t

Draining his pasta Cleaning her lint trap Rearranging her bookshelves Checking her fluid levels Soaking the dentures Uncorked her champagne Filing her taxes Grinding the beans Polishing the boots Licking her stamp collection Winding her clock Counting her rosary beads Sending out the invitations Flipping her hotcakes Burning his CD Waxing her hood Blowing out the candle Carving the pumpkin Booking her tickets Refinish her end table

Pimp my ride

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Caption Time #68

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Malapropisms and mispronunciations

"perifeal vision" (heard on CNN) "samwichiz (heard on CNN) "perdickuler" (neighbor) "fedral mandrate" (heard on CSPAN2) "teepanated" (heard at work) "for all intensive purposes" (heard on CNN) "lack toast and tolerant" (heard at work) "I guess it was just a pigment of my imagination." (same neighbor) "My glasses were so foggied up with compensation." (heard at Pier One) "Michael Jackson sleeps in a hyperactive chamber." (heard at Starbucks)

I assume this is a turtle?

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Note to Self, No. 5,713

How is it that women can turn three drawers of delicates into 35 book boxes weighing 70 lbs. a piece? By the way, despite having miraculous rejuvenation properties, Lime Gatorade and Peanut M&Ms do not taste too good together.

Something about this image disturbs me

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