Yes, Virginia. There is a Spammer Clause

Many of you have been contacting me over the last two weeks because your comments haven’t been going through. The reason it happens is I am part of a top-secret government blogging experiment WordPress uses a blacklist for certain words that spammers seem enjoy.

You see, spammers know full well that readers of Davezilla enjoy playing card games without credit checks while having their penises enlarged. And why not? With all those red-hot donkeys and horny Asian hamsters to scrump, readers need a bigger unit. Women, thirsty for non-dairy products, demand it.

“But Dave,” you say. “If your software is messing with my hardware, how can I let you know about the latest Japanese Bidet for Cats?” Simple. I have lovingly drawn icons of naughty bits for you to liberally sprinkle throughout your comments. These get the point across without getting you spanked by WordPress (unless you like that sort of thing).

So next time you send a comment involving your vulva, a post about your post, clip about your clit, or a bleat about your bits, know that it may be temporarily held for moderation. Once I’ve finished touching myself, while savoring every naughty detail checking the content for legitimacy, I’ll make sure that the entire world knows what a wretched little perv you really are.

Sincerely — The Management

28 Replies to “Yes, Virginia. There is a Spammer Clause”

  1. i would like to provide a quick note of advice and a recommended link for those who suffer from :limp: and would like to enjoy a larger :wang: while simultaneously … uh-oh, where’s the emoticon for ‘consolidating one’s mortgage’?

    dammit, foiled!

  2. “may be temporarily held…” My bits? By Dave? Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like a bad thing. :kiss:
    Although I thought he had a girlfriend.

  3. Censorship comes to Davezilla?

    Well it seems that “the man” has finally arrived at Davezilla. No longer will I be able to talk about tits or get verbal about vaginas.

    So now is the time to reveal Dave’s deepest darkest secret to the world in order to shock him back into “normality.”

    Sorry Dave, it’s for your own good, but did you readers know that Dave once *** a donkey with a blue **** and then he **** his **** right up the middle of the *****! The nun was not happy about all of the ***** in her face and decided to make Dave eat ***** for about a week whilst being ******** by the “Chuggernaught”.
    Then this ******* time a ****** six girls and a monkey that ****** his **** with a spoon.

    I couldn’t believe it when I found out! :wtf:

  4. @Stacey: if he does, can I do the circumcision (I’m known in these lands as the lady with the ‘bestest’ hands. Or, when I take out my teeth, “I’m known in this houth as the lady with the bestesth mouth”)

  5. Sorry to break it to you girls,

    but I’m already taken….by the most beautiful, sexy, sassy, wonderful woman in the whole wide world.

    Her name is Laura and it’s no word of a lie when I say she rocks my world and incidentally my bed too! 😆

    But all is not lost, I have a brother and he may very well be up for a two inch reduction on his manhood and a skullcap. :limp:

    😛

  6. P.S Dave,

    Based on the success of your mighty fine calendar….well erm

    I’m thinking of writing a book called “ReV’s Ramblings” where I cover a variety of subjects from religion to sports.

    Any tips on how to approach publishers as your the only fella I know that has been published and an email of your “secret” formula would be sooooo appreciated.

    😕

  7. Yesterday I witnessed something totally disgusting.

    My strange neighbour from Ghana (yep I have strange neighbours too!) was standing in the garden and well erm……..

    SPANKING HIS MONKEY!!!!

    To say I was horrified was an understatement and I immediately phoned London Zoo to report this gross cruelty.

    Anyway to cut it a long story short, the monkey is fine and eating bananas again and the neighbour is now banned from spanking monkeys for a period of no less than six years.

    RESULT!!!!!!

    😕

    But, Just imagine my suprise, when I looked over the fence this morning to see the reprobate….

    BASHING HIS BISHOP!!!!!!!

    But before you start feeling sorry for the poor mud covered, cassock wearing holy punchbag. I would just like to say that the Pope was informed by carrier pigeon imediately and should be intervening shortly, after he’s finished his meeting with Madame Palm and her five sisters that is!

    Hmmmm….It seems euphemism’s are Ok. 😛

  8. WELL! I had just finished masturbating with hot phone sex with my 3rd-ex-girfriend when I decided to gamble on a look-see at the mighty DAVEZILLA page.

    I’ll tell you right now, I am in a mind to sell off my house, get a hot property (perhaps get a low-cost mortgage in the bargain) somewhere ROYAL DORK so that I can hang out.

    I was sure that the FREAKS section would mention something about the albanian transsexual, but I couldn’t find anything about hot shemale action. So I took a gamble to see if I could find boobs.

    And BOOBS I found! Nice big round ones, black ones, brown ones, with nice tips. Just the kinds that would make my credit-card melt with delight at the prospect of dealing in bobbing flesh.

    You might think, “but would he put no money down for such a deal?” — absolutely guaranteed, none of that herbal stuff. As though I needed viagra. I could make a gazillion bucks if I just tried that time-tested MLM scheme…

  9. Time to fire up the digital camera! :twisted::kiss:

    Is it wrong that I feel totally at home here?

  10. Dave,
    Please could you respond to comment 17 as i think its been forgotton. I’m intrigued by the ramblings of rev

Comments are closed.