Pep talk

11 July, 2005Posted inObservations16 Comments
It's not often one can walk into a public restroom and hear a conversation between a man and his penis. I had just that dubious honor bestowed upon me today in a certain downtown coffeehouse chain. The gentleman, who will not be named and may or may not be pictured below, was having trouble getting the pee going and gave his unit a brief pep talk. "C'mon, little man, You heard what the doctor said, now PERFORM! C'mooooooon!" viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6…

OK, fess up…

09 July, 2005Posted inObservations10 Comments
Someone has subscribed me to GQ. That's very nice as I happen to like it. I did not, however, need four copies of it. (But thank you just the same)viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra…

My thoughts are with you

07 July, 2005Posted inObservations24 Comments
To all my friends in London, my thoughts are with you and your families.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample what…

Useful movie quotes

07 July, 2005Posted inObservations34 Comments
Oftentimes one finds oneself without the proper quip or epigram for a given situation. In such times, I prefer to look to the arts — particularly trashy movies — for inspiration. Below are my new favorites. Feel free to use them on coworkers and bosses in response to… well anything, really. "You get out of here! And take your hand with you!" El Mariachi "Didn't I kill you already?" Hellboy "Pai Mei taught you the five point palm exploding-heart technique?" Kill Bill, Vol II "Yes. We can rebuild. Enlarge the containment field. Make it bigger and stronger than ever! But…

Reader Poll

06 July, 2005Posted inObservations21 Comments
What's more annoying? The soundtracks in softcore porn, or the soundtracks on the Weather Channel, and why?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free…

A woman’s touch

05 July, 2005Posted inObservations31 Comments
One thing that has always bothered me and that's when a woman tells a man, "This place really needs a woman's touch. It bothers me because a woman's touch generally means seizure-inducing floral prints and a concrete duck on the front porch that wears a seasonal apron. Here's what I mean: What you ownWhat she'll replace it with Beer bottle collectionHummel figurine collection* Neon Bud Light wall decorationFabric art that resembles misshapen rug samples glued together "Art" magazinesActual art magazines Engine on the kitchen tableHoliday-themed candle centerpieces Beach towels on the sofaChenille throws on the sofa "Yeah, it's got a…

Overheard: War of the Worlds edition

04 July, 2005Posted inObservations15 Comments
Warning: Movie spoiler ahead Well, not really, but if you're a stickler for not knowing anything about a movie in advance, don't say I didn't warn you. So I went to see WotW by myself Sunday and as always, sat directly in front of the stupid couple that have to explain every single scene to each other. Some examples of the inanity: Scene: Tom Cruise is playing catch with his son. His son hates him, and not just because he is a scene-stealing, cradle-robbing Scientologist. So Tom throws him a fast ball, and he steps aside to make sure it…

Note to Self, No. 5,618

02 July, 2005Posted inObservations18 Comments
No matter how careful you are, it is impossible to walk three blocks to your car with five coffees, wearing white jeans and not spill all over them at some point.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic…

PML 1.0 Specification

30 June, 2005Posted inObservations20 Comments
WARNING: Extreme geek humor ahead PML (Porno Markup Language), a pornographic computer language specification proposed by DL Byron is nearly ready for release by the W3C. The specifications are as follows: Latest version: http://www.w3.org/TR/porno-spec/ Previous version: http://www.w3.org/TR/2005/TIT-porno-spec-20050428/ Editor: DL Byron Contributors: Davezilla W3C Jerking Draft 30 June 2005 PML is a general-porno markup language designed for representing the sex industry for a wide range of perversions across the World Wide Web. To this end it does not attempt to be all things to all people, supplying every possible kinky jerkoff idiom, but to supply a generally useful set of naughty…

Top ten ways to annoy your coworkers

29 June, 2005Posted inObservations14 Comments
Send company layoff emails from their desk while they are away at lunch. Eat other coworkers' lunch. Frame your coworker by leaving a trail of crumbs to their desk and put the leftovers in their wastepaper basket. Piranhas in the water cooler. Apply for a job with the competition under your coworker's name and have all correspondence sent to the front desk. Change their password while they are on vacation. Make no attempt to memorize the new one. Use up all the ink in their pens and put back in the drawer or pencil holder exactly where they were. Add…

Stop it. Just stop.

27 June, 2005Posted inObservations17 Comments
I have determined that "What the heckers?" is the single worst euphemism I have ever heard.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra…

The truth behind FUPA

27 June, 2005Posted inObservations31 Comments
FUPA Acronym for "Fat Upper Pubic Area"; common misinterpretations include "Fat Upper Pussy Area," "Fat Upper Penile Area" and "Farting Under Pelicans Asses." Also, often confused with FUBU, an overpriced brand of clothes that suburban caucasian adolescent males wear to impress suburban caucasian females who associate the clothing with large genitalia. From the Urban Dictionary OK, we've all seen FUPA before. It's not a new phenomenon. What is new to me is seeing skinny women with FUPA. How is that possible? I suspect, and follow me on this, that FUPA may not be a ring of fat, after all. I…