Things you probably should avoid doing at the border patrol booth
When asked if you have food to declare, ask if human remains count. Tell the patrol official to, "kindly hurry the fuck up." "No. You cannot look in my trunk. I just met you." As proof of ID, supply a pact with Satan written in blood. "I'll have a double cheeseburger and a large Coke." Recite your responses to the officials to the tune of the opera, Carmen. Pull out one passport randomly from a large stack of them and say, "My name is Bourne. Jason Bourne." "You didn't ask me what planet I was born on." "You know, you…
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