What Your Language Sounds Like To Me
Possibly the most offensive post I have ever written. But since I am picking on everyone's language, it's sort of equal opportunity offensiveness. Enjoy! Farsi: Like a Spaniard with Downs Syndrome is reciting the German alphabet while eating toast Welsh: Like a foppish Englishman with a cleft palette is choking on a spider Vietnamese: I concur with David Sedaris who wrote, "While our language flows from our mouths, the Vietnamese language sounds as if it is being forced from the speaker by a series of heavy and merciless blows to the stomach." Hawaiian: Like American toddlers making up nonsense syllables…
Starbucks BINGO
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Song of Solomon, Deconstructed
If you've ever read the Song of Solomon in the bible—a love poem between two lovers—then you've read one of the weirdest books ever. The way the woman is described makes her sound like something only H.P. Lovecraft could conceive of. In fact, this guy may have been writing about Cthulhu. If I told my fiancée that her breasts looked like two deer and her teeth like sheep, I think I'd be sleeping on the couch for a month. Let's look at a few choice verses: Her: # Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast…
Drive a bench. Look cool.
If I knew in high school that all I had to do to look cool was drive a bench…
More people we can safely dislike #22
Oh man. I have been subjected to appalling grammar this week. I want to put these folks under citizens arrest … for the murder of the English language! People who say "360°" when they meant "180°," as in "His attitude went 360°." That doesn't mean he changed his attitude. That means it's right back where it started, fucktard. People who mix up there, their and they're. People who can't recall the simple 'i' before 'e' rule. Amerikans who kant spell rite. (See below)
Survey Results
Thank you for taking the poll! 1,240 of you responded. Here is how you responded: 48% of you want stripper poles 43% of you want polls brought back 47% of you want to use your Facebook logins 34% of you want to use the Google logins that were in the sidebar 18% of you are rockin' the OpenIDs 59% of you want more blog, fewer features 41% of you wants moar bukkit! 78% of you want a mix of posts and photos 18% of you want pictures only 3% of you can read 344 of you want more Zilla Girl…
Eep!
So my site seems to have been compromised by clever spammers. Not sure how they got in, but they managed to insert hidden code into thousands of posts that I now have to manually remove. Somehow it is affecting my sidebar and footer as well. The site isn't showing any PHP errors, but the site hasn't been working since that spam appeared in my posts. Will keep working on this. Might be a few more days of downtime. Apologies! Meanwhile, enjoy the links. And we're back! So it turned out to be a plugin that borked on me. The spam…
New takes on old phrases
Try using some of these in a business meeting, or with a customer this week. Shit or get off the Pope It's not pocket science It is what it was A jack of all maids Like white on color Familiarity breeds mice Don't rock the goat The show must grow lawns Caught with his pants brown Sharp as a stack
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