What Your Language Sounds Like To Me

Possibly the most offensive post I have ever written. But since I am picking on everyone’s language, it’s sort of equal opportunity offensiveness. Enjoy!

  1. Farsi: Like a Spaniard with Downs Syndrome is reciting the German alphabet while eating toast
  2. Welsh: Like a foppish Englishman with a cleft palette is choking on a spider
  3. Vietnamese: I concur with David Sedaris who wrote, “While our language flows from our mouths, the Vietnamese language sounds as if it is being forced from the speaker by a series of heavy and merciless blows to the stomach.”
  4. Hawaiian: Like American toddlers making up nonsense syllables
  5. Albanian: Like Americans poorly imitating Russian gypsies with Whooping Cough
  6. French Canadian: Like really bored Argentinians imitating how Americans sound speaking French
  7. Cajun Patois: Like a Haitian, imitating a Frenchman, imitating a Canadian, imitating an Acadian. Oh wait. That’s kinda what it is.
  8. Michigan: Bugs Bunny

What do foreign languages sound like to you?

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comment 24 comments
  • Bigwavdave

    Not going there, eh?

    • Davezilla

      [quote comment=”634165″]Not going there, eh?[/quote]
      Aw, c’mon BWD. 😀

  • AlexBallew

    Like you are trying to avoid paying your bill.

  • Lung the Younger

    Brazilian Portuguese: Like Russian folksong, played backwards and with all the vowels removed.

    Swedish: What Norwegians sound like when they recite Monty Python sketches.

    Catalan: A Thanksgiving turkey gargling with vinegar.

    Irish Gaelic: An Appalachian hick with a tracheotomy and a sinus infection who’s just swallowed a horsefly.

    Thai: All your bedsprings breaking at the same time i.e. pang-thrang-bang-drang-fthang-pyang-chang-jiang-kang-nyang…etc.*

    Flemish: Phlegm.

    (*I’ve never heard that sound myself although I’m sure Mandy could enlighten us.)

  • misterarthur

    Someone once described Vietnamese as sounding like pots and pans falling off the shelf.
    I agree.

    Hungarian: Finnish through a bedroom wall.

    Romanshe. Bulgarian taking French lessons.

  • DaPopster

    Never mind what the foreign languages sound like, how about the “language” and regional dialects and what they sound like right here in the good ‘ol USA ? Ever get the feeling you’ve been “Twilight Zoned” to another country / planet ?

  • fruf

    I can’t follow Scottish it sounds like someones tongue got caught in a mouse trap
    Jamaican patois impossible to understand
    Spanish sounds like a blender gone wild

  • Astryd

    The more I read the more upset I got! 😈
    Dave! You excluded Spanish in your “equal opportunity offenseiveness! 🙂

  • junkman

    the english language sounds like all these languages put through a meat grinder, slapped abit to form into a patty, sizzled and over cooked, plopped on a bun, covered in various condiments to enhance the mediocrity, snorfed down, barfed up & wet vac’d. just thought i’d keep us real while we’re being offensive. 😉

  • Lung the Younger

    Astryd – quite right.

    I live in Spain and over here they pronounce the soft ‘c’ and the ‘z’ like a ‘th’.
    Tho Athtrid thweety, you can jutht imagine how camp all the boyth thound when they thpeak.

  • Bigwavdave

    Heard after an accident involving several Asians…”I cannaw unnastan wha hoppen!”

  • Kristi

    To me, Vietnamese sounds like someone trying to swallow a hive of pissed-off wasps.

    Russian sounds like Tourette’s Guy falling off a cliff.

  • chainstay

    Whenever I hear a person speaking German they always sound pissed off.

  • StevieC

    Possibly the most offensive post I have ever written.

    Nice to see that we’re moving up on the offense-sensitivity scale. Perhaps an addendum to the mission statement – If we’ve offended you, let us know because we love receiving compliments.

  • Davezilla

    [quote comment=”634250″]

    Possibly the most offensive post I have ever written.

    Nice to see that we’re moving up on the offense-sensitivity scale. Perhaps an addendum to the mission statement – If we’ve offended you, let us know because we love receiving compliments.[/quote]
    Am considering posting some of the awesome emails I got from cowards who won’t post comments. 👿

  • Benendetto

    I was always told German is the only language where a love poem sounds like a death threat.. I have to agree.

    native american/aboriginal languages: nonsense words that when written phonetically look like a four year olds artwork.

  • Flash Gordon

    Southern English {American}—Beautifully soft and melodic, perhaps the easiest on
    the ears of any language. “What chall doin, kiddies? Smoking them nasty ole cigareets?
    Stop it or I’ll wear yore ass to a frazzle! And don’t waste them rollover minutes!”

    :troll: :troll: :troll: 😈 :wtf: 👿 :troll: :thong:

  • junkman

    Am considering posting some of the awesome emails I got from cowards who won’t post comments.

    that would be so great. and we could respond how we would have. cannon fodder. 😀

  • StevieC

    [quote comment=”634258″][quote comment=”634250″]

    Possibly the most offensive post I have ever written.

    Nice to see that we’re moving up on the offense-sensitivity scale. Perhaps an addendum to the mission statement – If we’ve offended you, let us know because we love receiving compliments.[/quote]
    Am considering posting some of the awesome emails I got from cowards who won’t post comments. :evil:[/quote]

    Sounds like we got us a topic!

  • Mandy

    [quote comment=”634180″]Thai: All your bedsprings breaking at the same time i.e. pang-thrang-bang-drang-fthang-pyang-chang-jiang-kang-nyang…etc.*

    (*I’ve never heard that sound myself although I’m sure Mandy could enlighten us.)[/quote]

    wut. do they sleep on straw mats in barcelona? 😛

  • thatdamnredhead

    Not really a “foreign” language, but I’ve always thought that no matter how educated somebody is, the minute I hear a Southern accent they instantly sound really dumb.

    I had a professor in college with two Ph.D.s and was brilliant, but the minute he spoke you couldn’t help but think his name was Jethro. (That was actually our nickname for him, he was cool with it.)

  • Anne

    I’m from Germany and a student of English at University and I can’t help thinking that, compared to the British varieties of English, Americans mostly sound like they’ve got a 10 bubblegums/their lunch/a shoe stuck in their mouth.
    Sorry ❓

  • Davezilla

    [quote comment=”634750″]I’m from Germany and a student of English at University and I can’t help thinking that, compared to the British varieties of English, Americans mostly sound like they’ve got a 10 bubblegums/their lunch/a shoe stuck in their mouth.
    Sorry :?:[/quote]
    No apology needed, Anne. If that’s what we sound like, I believe you! 😯

  • dagny

    I always felt terrible for it, but Chinese always sounded like some sort of Star Wars alien language.

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