The wit and wisdom of my girlfriend, Natalie

First we nap. Then I crush your spirit. It's like marshmallow, but hard. I got water in my eye from your ass. I am making dinner. It has delicious cheesy goodness. I'm trying to lure you into trusting me. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples…

Blogger bumper stickers I’d like to see

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Note to Self: 5,139

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Just a thought

You know how dolphins are capable of using their sonar to herd shoals of fish into tight balls to attack and eat? I wish I could do that with dust bunnies and lint. Except for the eating part.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying…

Complete this sentence #18

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Several pricks

An elementary school class started a class project to make a planter to take home to their parents. They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants. The students were given green ware pottery planters in the shape of a clown, which they painted with glaze. The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process. It was great fun. They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely but unfortunately the children were not allowed to take…

A day in the life of God

4:30 AM Alarm goes off. Hit snooze twice. 4:48 AM Drag feet out of bed. Trip over Catholic martyrs who have been groveling at feet all night. 4:51 AM Wait for morning erection to subside. 4:59 AM Take a pee over North America. Giggle as Canadians mistake it for acid rain again. 5:12 AM Take shower. Runoff water floods small Pacific Island. Oops. 6:02 AM Scrub back with a 90 foot loofah. Skin flakes fall over starving Ethiopians who mistake them for manna. 8:33 AM Got the hiccups. Americans mistakenly assume the sound is from North Korean bomb tests and…

Caption Time #39

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A picture is worth …

Sometimes one can tell an entire story about a place merely by the cheap, neon sign out front. Just from this picture alone, we can safely deduce the following: They have waitresses named Misti, Amber-Beth and Jolene There is a guitar on the wall signed by a former member of RATT They have a napkin framed on the wall, signed by Ernest Borgnine in 1981. “Thanks for the potato skins. See ya round. Ernie” They have a bouncer named Keith with a curly, black mullet who wears the same, faded Molly Hatchet: Cornbread Mafia shirt every day The owner’s wife…

Tufted Pinko

Normally, I wouldn't post such a large picture, but this is a special case. Natalie and I were freak watching on Sunday and spotted a rare Tufted Pinko. Fig. 1a Notice the winter plumage around the legs, bright pink to match, well nothing. Fig. 1b More pink, this midsection waistband alerts predators that the Pinko is not good to eat. Fig. 1c The Pinko often carries its sexual aids around with it, all colored pink, of course. Fig. 2a During the winter months, the Pinko will sprout a thicker mane, or supplement its own mane with artificial hair, as this…

God Bless Amepica

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