Tonight she’s gonna party like it’s 1995

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IKEA products that sound dirty, but aren’t

IKEA products that sound dirty, but aren't FUKTA Saucer MODEST Knobs FARTYG Triple Ceiling Spotlight KRABB Mirror SEXTOL Spotlight TRAMPA Door Mat SKRUTT Magnet ABSORB Leathercare Set KUNGSHATT, Mushroom Decoration BANGSUND Bed with Storage BJÖRKEN Mirror Cabinet FAGELBO Sofa-Bed JERKER Desk JUSSI Table INEZ LÖV Cushion Cover GROGGY Corkscrew LYCKEBY Box MANGEL Drying Rack NIPPER Spice Mill VAGIS Key Cabinet

Yes, this is a dental office sign

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The Blair Priest Project?

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Caption Time #66

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Unlikely candle scents

I bought a candle. The label said, "Fig-Olive", which sounds like rather a revolting combination, but actually smells quite good. These, however, may not. "The Toronto" A tantalizing combination of raccoon musk and overturned garbage can Last Year's Yogurt "CSI" Experience forensic science in 8 and 10 inch tapers Burnt broccoli-melting styrofoam Unwashed Mawashi $2 Whore Wet Dog fur. Nuff said "The Bender" Tom Waits' breath after a two week drinking binge Campground outhouse State Fair Petting Zoo

Sudden realization

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Caption Time #65

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Reminds me. I need to get my leather jacket cleaned.

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I am in need of two safety pins

While at the corporate giant coffeehouse the other day, I had the unfortunate experience of standing in line behind a most irksome woman, a beastly snob who felt the world was here to serve her. Picture Harry Potter's fat Aunt Marge with an uppity East Coast accent. She got out of line to ask two other women what their opinion was of her shoulderpads: Annoying woman: "Ladies. If you were to go to a wedding, [ turns around ] and you had these shoulderpads, would you cut them out, or leave them?" Both women said, "Uh, cut them out?" Annoying…

“It was a dark and stormy night…”

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