Recent Effluvia:

• “Take a spoonful of sugar for hiccups.”
• Now I have sweet hiccups and tooth decay.
• “If you have to sneeze, just breathe in deeply and it will go away.”
• No, now I just have to sneeze harder.
• “When you get a migraine, suck on an ice cube.”
• Great. Now my migraine has brain freeze.
• “If your hands smell like garlic, rub them against stainless steel.”
• Now I smell like a Italian spoon.
• “If you’re not good company for yourself, you won’t be good company for anyone else.”
• Oh yeah? What if I don’t want to be good company for anyone else? Ever think about that? Huh? Didja?

What sort of inane tidbits did your parents try to pawn off on you?

The next time you hear an odd moaning sound coming from the neighbor’s balcony, resist the urge to see what is causing it.