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Poopybara

By Davezilla 12 October, 2005Uncategorized36 Comments

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Cindy says

By Davezilla 11 October, 2005Observations63 Comments

I apologize for not having a photo to accompany this post. Really. The best freak in my entire Freak Watching career apears and I am without camera. Shameful. For weeks now, the baristas at a certain major coffee chain have been bugging me to get a photograph of Joan. Joan is a transvestite, which to me does not qualify as a freak. I see nothing wrong with cross-dressing. Then I met Joan. Picture Abe Vigoda in a skirt. Add a second-hand, puce sweater and dowdy, brown skirt. Oh, and a talking purse named Cindy. Cindy doesn't really talk, or at…

Why God, why? II

By Davezilla 10 October, 2005Observations33 Comments

Someone pointed me to the second in a series of products that I simply do not grasp. This one being Preggie and Queasy Pops. I shit you not. Preggie Pops are alleged to ease morning sickness. This is no doubt a great relief to many women who will wonder if they cause pregnancy. I wonder, do they come in sperm flavor? Is the center filled with Contraceptive Jelly? It's the Queasy Pops that have me a little off-put. Do they make one ill? Perhaps you ram one down the throat with great force to induce vomiting. Do they come in…

No thongs after 6pm.

By Davezilla 09 October, 2005Uncategorized19 Comments

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Caption Time #75

By Davezilla 08 October, 2005Caption Time36 Comments

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Note to Self, No. 5,736

By Davezilla 07 October, 2005Observations22 Comments

Never, under any circumstances, get catnip mixed into an omelette. Tastes like steel.

The Cat’s Supper

By Davezilla 07 October, 2005Uncategorized21 Comments

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Note to Self, No. 5,735

By Davezilla 06 October, 2005Observations23 Comments

Do not leave the iron on for 36 hours. Seriously. How did you not notice that?

Overheard

By Davezilla 06 October, 2005Observations17 Comments

Grandson: "Do you have a conscience, grampa?" Grandfather: "Of course I do, Ronnie. Everyone does." Grandson: "Oh." Grandson: "How big are they?"

Why God, why?

By Davezilla 05 October, 2005Observations45 Comments

Someone, somewhere though that adding LEDs to slippers was a bright idea (pun intended). I don't care. I really don't. I won't buy them, and I reserve the right to laugh openly at those who do. Here's my issue. It's billed as, "the perfect gift for any occasion". Any occasion? Seriously, if your neighbor just lost her husband, would you knock on her door and say, "I know things seem dark now, but these slippers will bring some light into your life." I think not. Any occasion? Would you give a pair to a baby boy after his circumcision? "Here,…

Complete this sentence #25

By Davezilla 04 October, 2005Observations19 Comments

The children ________ in the playground. Ms. Bromley loves to ________.

Names that damn children

By Davezilla 03 October, 2005Observations46 Comments

Let's face it. Some names damn children to a life of teasing. For instance: Jasper [M] = "Please don't beat me up. Again." Dawn [F] = "After I make the cheerleading squad, I'm joining Up with People." Wilbur [M] = "Earn extra money doing cartoon voices. Hmm." Cheyenne [F] = "Mom? Guess what? I just starred in my first porno flick." Remington [M] = "Daddykins? Mummsy says I can be on the sculling team." Kayla [F] = "I blew my teacher for an A." Justin [M] = "Can I hang out with you guys? Huh? Can I? Can I?" Cassandra…