Category: Observations

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  • Greek Myths in Five Words, Part II

    Bacchus dug the high life Erisichton said, “Olympus is dead” Neptune held wet t-shirt contests Amphitrite’s dolphins were tuna-safe Achilles had a bum heel Orpheus was bitch-slapped by girls Ulysses stuffed seamen with wax Castor and Pollux were clones Gryphons were cheap, gold-diggers Argus was full of ship Hector gave the Greeks heck Priam let…

  • Greek Myths in Five Words, Part I

    Medusa: Snakes on a Face Perseus took that bitch’s head Narcissus liked what he saw Zeus was a playa hater Oedipus liked him some MILF Pan was a sex machine Leda got laid by swans Jason had a fleece pullover Cyclops wore one contact lens Sisyphus pushed rocks all day Dædalus was one smart beyotch…

  • Complete this Sentence:

    “The geese were so huge, they could barely fit in the ___________”

  • I’m thankful that…

    …trees have bark, but even more thankful that trees cannot bark …penises don’t make a “boing” sound upon becoming erect …my teeth have never caught fire …organized religions aren’t contagious …”you are what you eat” isn’t literal …there’s no time limit on finishing a book before it explodes …I’m not neighbors with Britney Spears …Mudskippers…

  • On Notice!

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  • Notes to Self: No. 6,014-6,017

    Do not accidentally click on the iDVD button while looking at photos in iPhoto. All 4,000+ photos will try to load themselves into a movie clip at the same time, and that’s just wrong. No matter how tempting, do not tickle cat when her rear claws are positioned above your scrotum. Seriously. If it looks…

  • Gangs of Mew York

    I was walking my cat today (yes, she heels like a dog), and noticed that outside, she gets the same lost look that foreigners get in an airport. Granted, she’s been an indoor cat for 16 years so this is a new thing to her. I started wondering if other cats notice her dazed expression,…

  • Fill in the blanks #2

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  • Elaborate Restaurant Hoax

    The Setup: Will require three couples. Ideally, two of the couples will look similar and one couple will look extremely different from the other two (extreme height or weight difference, skin color, accent, etc.). All couples should carry cellphones with ability to text each other. The couples that look similar should dress alike too, if…

  • 20 things to do by age 40

    Swallow a bug while bicycling Swallow a bug as part of a foreign dish Become embarrassed by a coworker’s singing Wedgie a close friend, possibly of the opposite sex Poke a badger with a spoon Take off your clothes in front of the wrong person Go an entire day without noticing that your: Shirt is…

  • Seasonal Ho

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