Observations

Medusa: Snakes on a Face Perseus took that bitch's head Narcissus liked what he saw Zeus was a playa hater Oedipus liked him some MILF Pan was a sex machine Leda got laid by swans Jason had a fleece pullover Cyclops wore one contact lens Sisyphus pushed rocks all day Dædalus was one smart beyotch Dryope's boobs turned into branches Theseus said, "No more bullshit!" Sphynx rapped some heavy rhymes Helen was a little hottie Bellerophon kicked some Chimera butt Vulcan was not a Vulcan Briareus had a hundred arms Hercules could kill Chuck Norris Pegasus flew; poop from above…

…trees have bark, but even more thankful that trees cannot bark …penises don't make a "boing" sound upon becoming erect …my teeth have never caught fire …organized religions aren't contagious …"you are what you eat" isn't literal …there's no time limit on finishing a book before it explodes …I'm not neighbors with Britney Spears …Mudskippers are not the dominant species on earth …Jules Verne was wrong What are you thankful for? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women…

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I was walking my cat today (yes, she heels like a dog), and noticed that outside, she gets the same lost look that foreigners get in an airport. Granted, she's been an indoor cat for 16 years so this is a new thing to her. I started wondering if other cats notice her dazed expression, too. Do outdoor cats look at indoor cats and see an easy mark the way con artists do? "Hey, look at the fresh meat. Heeeeeey, chica." "You lost, pretty girl? C'mere baby. I help you find home." "Bitch, I will f*ck your shit up. Where…

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The Setup: Will require three couples. Ideally, two of the couples will look similar and one couple will look extremely different from the other two (extreme height or weight difference, skin color, accent, etc.). All couples should carry cellphones with ability to text each other. The couples that look similar should dress alike too, if possible. Couple No. 1 (C1) gets a table at the restaurant. Couple No. 2 (C2) can sit at the bar or waste time in the bathroom. Couple No. 3 (C3) should wait outside for instructions. Couple No. 1 orders drinks. One of them texts C3…

Swallow a bug while bicycling Swallow a bug as part of a foreign dish Become embarrassed by a coworker's singing Wedgie a close friend, possibly of the opposite sex Poke a badger with a spoon Take off your clothes in front of the wrong person Go an entire day without noticing that your: Shirt is inside out Pants have an unidentifiable stain on it Collar has lipstick on it Socks don't match Face is only partially shaved Instant message a complete stranger with government conspiracy theories Let a penguin loose at work Order fast food from a drive thru, while…