Observations

I must admit to always being disturbed by pictures like this: food that can't wait to end itself, smothering condiments on generously to assist in its own demise. As a child, I was horrified by hamburger joints that had cows eating burgers or licking their lips. Something about the cannibalistc cows deeply upset me. Is it just me, or are you freaked out by this as well? Image via Robynviagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side…

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To whom it may concern, I, like many American citizens, enjoy purchasing scented candles as a means to lighten the mood of a room, whether to herald the change of season, or perhaps to get laid. As a long-time purchaser of scented candles, I find myself qualified to venture an opinion or two on your industry. In the hot dog industry, hot dogs come in packs of six or ten. Hot dog buns come in packs of eight. No matter what you do, you’re screwed with two extra. Your industry seems to have the same deal worked out with candlestick…

As the waiter brings food to another table, pull out a shotgun and scream, “That’s my food! Goddamn, you thieving bastard!” and fire a warning shot into the waiter’s kneecap. Then look at the food, and with a confused look proclaim, “Oh, oops. That’s not what I ordered. My bad.” When they ask, “How does everything taste,” you answer, “Oh it’s de-LISH! Here, you try some. Now don’t be shy. Here comes the choo-choo train, open wide!” When they give you a complimentary breadbasket, jump up on the table and scream, “Free bread?!? Hallelujah!” and do cartwheels through the restaurant.…

Comments database is seriously hosed, either from a bug or spammers. Working on it. Check back tomorrow. This is what I get for joking about ending the site. Update: Indi, the genius who runs Positive Fusion, saved the day (and years of comments!) by fixing Davezilla.com again. Positive Fusion has hosted Davezilla.com since 2001 and we couldn't be happoer about it. We're back online. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra…

I didn't post yesterday for a reason. I spent the day thinking about where my life was going as a priest. My year is ending a month from now and I have to make some very tough decisions. One of them is ending this site. It's been a good twelve years. I love the community I've started here and over the years, many of you have become my closest friends. I'd like to end this site on a good note, not making fun of anyone, but remembering all of the laughs I've given everyone. Love to you all. Ashé O.…

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Bears are not like lettuce. Epidemics are not like lettuce. Noctambulists are not like lettuce. Ibuprofen is not like lettuce. Slingshots are not like lettuce. Narcissists are not like lettuce. Oligarchies are not like lettuce. Thongs are not like lettuce. Lasers are not like lettuce. Invertebrates are not like lettuce. Kites are not like lettuce. Epiphanies are not like lettuce. Leviathans are not like lettuce. Etruscans are not like lettuce. Tabula rasas are not like lettuce. Tautologies are not like lettuce. Umbilical cords are not like lettuce. Catechism is not like lettuce. E. coli are not like lettuce. So do…

Gentlemen, This week sees the arrest of yet another Japanese pervert; serial lingerie thief Shigeo Kodama. Kodama, a 54 year-old construction worker, stole nearly 4,000 pairs of panties in only six years. I only have a few questions, as one who has never visited Japan. What is up with Japanese men and panties? Granted, as fetishes go, it's fairly tame. It's nothing as disturbing as say, underwater clown sex, but by comparison, we Westerners grow weary of peeking at girls' underwear by age ten or so. Explain. Use extra sheets if necessary. Second, and I ask this on behalf of…

”Are the burgers locally grown? I only eat organic.” ”My water broke.” ”Your mother's in here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.” ”Two fifty-six for the meal? OK, how much for a lapdance?” ”Is this the place where the rats where found in the tacos? I don’t want no rat tacos.” ”Wait. Say that again. Slower this time. Aw, yeah. That’s soooo hot.” ”This isn’t medium rare. I specifically asked for medium rare.” ”I’m from Immigration. I’m going to pull around and I don’t want any sudden moves.” Once upon a time,…