Finish this story

Nimbus Fallon, world-famous cloned sheep, had achieved super-human intelligence. Within hours of her birth she was gamboling about the meadow, days later she was explaining Fermat’s Theorum to college freshmen at Cornell University. At three months old, she became the first quadruped to solve a Rubik’s Cube with hooves.

But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…

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Show 26 Comments

26 Comments

  1. Spud

    Early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that the animal urges stirring deep within could not be stayed by mere intelect alone, the more the paparazzi tried to get at Nimbus the more violent the responses seemed to get, this was puzzling to the youngster and so she set off to Nepal to find enlightment with the Tibetan monks pausing only long enough along to way to get some high quality grass.

  2. junkman

    boy. if this isn’t a topic for brad k. i don’t know what is. it was great to see you back the other day! i was worried it might have been something we said.

  3. emily the great

    fame dosent get you everything you want. Her freinds all left her and she had nothing to do but look at waht she hadnt accomplished. Every time she walked by someone she knew they would look down upon her. She then relized she was wrong and made herself unfamous but nobody would still talk to her. But eventually they all were freinds again!

  4. Bjorn Freeh

    …all her money had run out. So, she sold the Rubik’s Cube with hooves on eBay and retired to Arizona.

  5. sledge

    that there were government taxes that she had not paid.consequntly she was required to work for the next 5 years to pay off taxes.

  6. StevieC

    … her one-night stand with Paris Hilton was all over YouTube, complete with closeups of her de-wooled nether regions.

    Oh give me a clone,
    A clone of my own,
    With its Y chromosome changed to X.
    And when I’m alone,
    With my own little clone,
    We will both think of nothing but sex.

  7. StevieC

    But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that….
    although she felt that she should be revered by other sheep, she was more often than not mockingly referred to as The Cloven One.

  8. junkman

    …she began to closet herself away to escape the exposure. however, being once genetically removed from her family, she did start searching for something to fill the loveless void inside her. she began e-mailing random body part photos to nefarious websites and eventually she started doing live stints on beaver-cam.
    this degrading behaviour plunged her into a seedy underworld populated with Mr. Goodbaa’s of all sorts. she met her end tragically in a small pen at the hooves of a disgruntled, impotent ram. her once talented once genetically removed soul soared to the heavens. you may still witness the genius and magic of fluffy nimbus gamboling through the skies to this day.

  9. Flash Gordon

    …that Homeland Security took a dim view of shaggy
    creatures trying to take sharp objects on airplanes,
    especially if they looked a little mid-Eastern. So the
    gruff marshalls spirited her away to Gitmo where she
    was rigorously “interrogated” until she confessed to
    being a terrrorist. She was last seen on a truck headed to a Tyson meat-packing plant in Squalor, Arkansas. 🙁 🙁 🙄 😈 😕

  10. ducatisti

    …But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…

    she couldn’t tell which farm hands were truly interested in her brain, or just wanted her for her body.

  11. pablo

    Nimbus soon found that with exceptional intellegence came other unusual effects. Especially noticed one day as she sat down to enjoy a nice dinner of lamb chops with fava beans and a nice chiatnti. fpfpfpfpfp

  12. …though her fame had gotten her far and she could afford everything she wanted. All she really wanted was to live on a nice farm with a nice, steady, well endowed sheep herder. Some day, she thought to herself soulfully, some day.

  13. AnnieB

    … she was being lured into a potentially exciting sexual liaison never before envisioned in her short life. Nimbus eventually succumbed to her natural (85%) animal instincts and prepared to give herself totally and completely to this strange being named Olbap who appeared to look like her, but seemed somehow different. She thought she knew why he seemed different but was nevertheless anxious for something more than the cerebral pursuits she’d had so far. As things progressed toward their lovemaking Nimbus opened her eyes to gaze upon Olbap, saw the business card in his hand, and realized to her horror that he was in fact a mortal enemy! She hastily recoiled from him in fear for her very life and screamed (baaaaa’d) hysterically … Oh my God! Get away from me! You’re no wolf! You’re a used car salesman!!!!

    Pablo (Olbap) … don’t forget I love you man!

    😈

  14. [Comment ID #173634 will be quoted here]

    Soon she was in and out of rehab and photographed late at night at a salon getting her wool completely shaved off. Rumor is she sold her wool to a sweater shop to pay for drugs.

  15. Drusky

    But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that she was unable to fit in with the other young sheep in her flock. It seemed that they were all perfectly content just sitting around eating grass from the meadow, being shaven for their wool and every so often being violated by a lonely farm hand. Nimbus wanted more but found that being a sheep had it’s limitations. She even tried to make it on her own in a hard, cruel world. Having no money, she even tried to do t.v. commercials (she was the sheep with the pi. symbol on her side in the Serta Commercials). Finally, Nimbus found her own kind and rejoyced! They were able to think complex thoughts, express their feelings, and yet were still just sheep. Yes, Nimbus had found Hillary Clinton’s Election Campaign… 😈

    Damn, Brad K. How do you do it? I was running out of steam… 😆

  16. Bigwavdave

    …and Numbus soon found out “You’d better watch out – there may be dogs about.” RW

  17. [Comment ID #173690 will be quoted here]

    Well, I’ve looked over Jordan and I’ve seen; things are not what they seem.

    What do you get for pretending the danger’s not reeeeeeeeeeaaaallllllllll….

    Thanks a lot, now I have to play the CD to cure my song-stuck-in-head-itis.

  18. Anna

    But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…
    although she stayed her sheepy self, the entourage that had accumulated did funny things, like post 6 comments on 1 artice of Davezilla … which turned some of the ohter sheep off. And for this they blamed poor Nimbus. And because of things like this she became a hermit and lived close to Spud’s uncle (cause he chased the paparazzi away with his stralging stick). And Spud, SHE loved him for that …..

  19. Abbi

    Rocks fall, everyone dies :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead:

  20. But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that… too little knowledge will lead to disaster.

    Nimbus had found she liked the clover in the North side of the pasture, and the brome grass just east of the gate. Planning and making her own garden seemed such a logical next step. She laid out the south half of the pasture, and planted clover and brome. She decided to try some of the oats and corn seeds in her feed, and soon rows of corn and patches of oats graced her little plot of sunshine and grace.

    Diverting the stream to make a small, pleasant sounding splashy fountain was interesting, and the result both soothing and pleasurable. The barn cat brought her kittens to visit and play, and dragged a bit of catnip over for Nimbus to plant for her friends. On a particularly windy day Nimbus was able to catch some marigold, and rosemary seeds, and soon the border of insect repelling flowers protected the whole pasture, and the tasty herb made a nice addition to the daily feedings.

    But there was a dark side here. Rosemary can mean something very different to those that raise sheep. When the nearby mint patch spread to Nimbus’ pasture, she found the taste quite interesting. Oh, bad, fickle winds of fate!

    For watching a lamb already seasoning herself with rosemary and mint, the attraction of leg-of-lamb overcame the possibility of benefits in years to come. For the caretaker.

    Julia Childs could not have improved that feast.

  21. But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…. she had certain ambitions that other sheep found ridiculous.

    After almost a year of being laughed out of every club in sheepland, Nimbus decided to change her name to Firebolt and try and take over the world using her uber-enhanced mental faculties.

    After several failed coups and a little misshap involving a president and a pretzel, Firebolt decided that maybe one sheep couldn’t change the world. In the world’s only case of sheep suicide, Firebolt strapped blocks of C4 to her little wollen hide, walked into a pasture of other uber-enhanced sheep and well, she pressed the button.

    R.I.P. Firebolt/Nibmus, your wooly antics will be sorely missed.

  22. CaffeineAddictsAnon.

    But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…
    she wasn’t getting the true recognition she deserved. Although the scientists who cloned her were sharing the profits by setting her up with luxury accomodations and she had endorsements from every brand imaginable, she somehow felt that she was being cheated and her true worth surpassed that of the meager wages she was being doled out. She wasn’t even allowed a male sheep-clone for companionship. Or, should I say ‘companionsheep’.
    Nimbus knew there had to be more to this life of wealth and greed. So, one night before a publicity appearance, while the scientists were arguing over her role in the new Harry Potter movie, she proceeded to make her grand escape. Before long, word of her disapearance had spread the world over. Nimbus, who had once been regarded as the worlds most intelligent creature, was missing. Sadly, the months passed and turned into years. She soon was forgotten by the majority of the world, and things returned to normal.
    Meanwhile, Nimbus had been busy in a secluded lab in the woods which she had secretly built using her own private staff of loyal circus rejects. The animals who worked for her had their own hangups with society and hated being underpaid, in return for cheap laughs. They busily went about their work and soon their labor would pay off. In a few weeks, Nimbus would expose her plan to the world.
    It was finally ready. The time had come for the great Nimbus Fallon to rejoin society and reveal her true worth. One day, to the surprise of audiences everywhere, she appeared on Oprah. Without hesitation she jumped onto the couch and announced “I, along with my own loyal animal friends, are going to change the world. I hold in my hoof the secret to all the worlds problems. It is a pill that will allow anyone who swallows it to become as intelligent as myself.”
    Soon, the whole country was taking the pill in droves, the world was becoming smarter and Nimbus watched with pride as everyone took the pill, all according to plan. After every human in the world had taken the pill, something strange began to happen. One by one they began turning into sheep. It was too late for anyone to even realize what was happening and soon everyone had turned into a sheep. Even the circus animals who had helped Nimbus. With great pride, Nimbus stepped forward and looked at the mass of panicked and confused herds of sheep. She smiled at them and watched as they baaaed at each other in confusion. They were nothing but stupid, pathetic, insignificant…
    Suddenly, Nimbus awoke and looked around. She had dreamt it all. She was about to go onstage when she looked at the scientist who had created her and said, ever so sheepishly, “I’m glad I’m not a human.”
    THE END

  23. …her vast intellect only allowed her to see the troubles that beset the world all the more clearly. So she lobotomized herself with a nail gun and moved to New Zealand, where she would be appreciated for her body.

  24. But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…

    she yearned to be more than just a super-intelligent sheep clone. After all, with a brain like hers she could make a difference in the world, couldn’t she? But having suffered years of sexual abuse from her human handlers, she was tired of being controlled by them. A devious smile came over her face as she formulated a plan to take over the world. Nimbus let out a sinister laugh that echoed over the lush meadows. “Baahahahahahahahaha!!!” 😈

  25. Brett

    But early fame does not set easy with the young and Nimbus soon found that…
    her life had become too complicated, and all she really wanted was to end up as a nice batch of lamb chops with a lemon basil sauce.

  26. fame has a price.

    When you’re snorting cocaine off Tara Reid’s Frankenstein tits, or getting a bar tar heroin colonic in the Viper Room john, there’s not much lower you can get.

    And Sheep are pretty low in the karmic totem poll. Roaches get more respect.

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