DIY Hints You Should Probably Ignore
Need to liven up the office Xmas party? Photoshop your coworkers' heads into pictures from questionable websites and you've got a slideshow everyone will be talking about! Use Strontium-90 to soothe a colicky baby. Old Ethernet cables make great leashes for the elderly! Use "Swiffer" sheets to quickly erase your sibling's homework. Worried about what your kids are texting? Change all the phone numbers of their besties in their phone's contact list to the local police's number. Hilarity ensues. Rub butter on a sunburned, old man to roast him faster. Use a roll of tin foil to silence a nosy…
Grammar: You’re doing it wrong
Really not sure what disturbs me more: The phrase, the lack of apostrophes or the letter spacing.
What’s Your Deepest Fear?
Out with it. What's your deepest, darkest fear? Turns out, I have quite a few. Here's my top ten: Given a life sentence in a prison populated by mimes and clowns. Rosie O'Donnell runs for president in 2016. She takes Sarah Palin as VP in a surprise move. They call it the She Party, win by a slim margin and force every man in America to become cross-dressing house slaves. A global crop disease leaves the earth with only figs to eat. Cats evolve opposable thumbs and take over the Illuminati. Gauchos, Crocs, Jeggings, prison pants and skorts become mandatory…
What I Learned About Italians from 10 Days in Naples
Their local motto is, "If you can drive in Napoli, you can drive in Hell." At the outdoor cafés, pigeons are smarter than waiters. The pizza really is 10 times better. Pulcinella is either good luck, bad luck, an evil clown or a sex god, depending on whom you ask. Napoli is full of budding Banksys. Stone-washed jeans are still alive and well in Southern Italy. Children not only openly use professional grade fireworks in the streets, they are encouraged to do so by adults. Texting while driving gives you the right of way.
Slowest drivers on the road
IMO, slowest drivers on the road own: PT Cruiser Chrysler Pacifica Ford Flex Discuss.
My Embarassing Dream Soundtracks
As I've written about before, I remember most of my dreams, which isn't so bad, but they always have a soundtrack. A bad one. Usually a short section of a song or jingle that repeats throughout the dream like a broken record. Ninety percent of the time, it's a musical genre I would not listen to, willingly. Worse, I wake up with the song replaying in my head. This morning, it was Olivia Newton John's Xanadu. Here's some of the more revolting ones from this month. The theme music from HGTV's Love It or List It Shakira's Hips Don't Lie…
More Terrifying Dance Moves from the ’70s
I should make this a regular Friday feature. I've found dozens of these.
People Who Need to Go Far, Far Away
People who hit their brakes inexplicably when nothing is in front of them and they aren't speeding. People who use douchebag words like 'braggadocious' and 'YOLO' in everyday speech. The inventors of Powerpoint, Jeggings, Crocs and UGGs. The creators of 'Call of the Wildman', 'Hillbilly Handfishing' and other white trash train wrecks. Professionals who say, "Let's really think out of the box on this one, guys." As if their coworkers were intentionally coming up with tired ideas because no one reminded them to be innovative. Honey Boo Boo, although I rather feel bad for this kid. She'll grow up realizing…
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