Bad things to get fired over

1. Faith

   12 December, 2006, 12:49 am

   Replacing the water in the coffee machine with vodka. Very entertaining.

   Oh, and hi, I’m back after a years or so out of the loop. Visit me again, Dave. If you don’t remember me, no problem, I’ll just go stand on the Brooklyn Bridge and hope for the best,”

2. Minnie

   12 December, 2006, 1:21 am

   Getting fired from a government job for throwing poison darts at Bush’s poster.

   Oh yeah, baby.

3. Tara

   12 December, 2006, 6:05 am

   Stealing little personal things from people’s desks, putting them in a little cardboard box, which you call your “voodoo box” and getting caught chanting over it by your boss.

4. Da Popster

   12 December, 2006, 6:09 am

   Actually telling the truth when asked for your opinion ……… :wtf:

5. Spud

   12 December, 2006, 6:48 am

   Having chair races up the corridors with toilet paper for bunting…

6. Davezilla

   12 December, 2006, 7:07 am

   [Comment ID #81372 will be quoted here]

   Hey! Where ya been?

7. Mandy

   12 December, 2006, 7:11 am

   Bending over in a miniskirt with a tiny :thong: on.

   Oh, wait. You said fired. Sorry, that was how I got hired

   Not.

8. Bigwavdave

   12 December, 2006, 7:21 am

   [Comment ID #81384 will be quoted here]

   Thank-you for the visual

   Did I say that out loud?

9. Bigwavdave

   12 December, 2006, 7:42 am

   Sorry, I got sidetracked…Bring your ferrets to work with you and let them run loose.

10. sledge

    12 December, 2006, 8:53 am

    Wear a Herb Tarlick outfit to a major presentation to your shareholders and insist that all personnel be sent home to change into proper business wear

11. sledge

    12 December, 2006, 8:56 am

    Wear a Herb Tarlick outfit to a major presentation to your shareholders and insist that all personnel be sent home to change into proper business wear. create new challenges for your coworkers by hiding their computer mouse

12. junkman

    12 December, 2006, 9:02 am

    i swear to god this happened. an employee wrote on his draft time sheet 15 min. jerking off. he adjusted it out on the official time sheet but left the draft in the washroom where it was found and turned in.

13. $hrubby

    12 December, 2006, 10:15 am

    Call in sick to work and when your boss says, “you don’t sound sick” reply to him/her “I’m having sex with my dog…does that sound sick to you?!” :puke:

14. Lung the Younger

    12 December, 2006, 10:52 am

    Be sure to come into the office wearing your ‘FUCK THE BOTTOM LINE’ T-shirt on casual Fridays.

15. Brad K.

    12 December, 2006, 11:07 am

    Arrange for bugs in the project to get fixed, without going through a meeting.

    Ask for updates to erroneous requirement specs.

    Assure the customer that their requested feature can be added at no apparent cost before explaining to the boss that this saves us money.

    Pee in the boss’s coffee cup, that he routinely leaves in the wash room. Leave a note explaining ‘couldn’t help myself’, unsigned. Use tap water to ‘fill’ the cup.

    Make a big production of only giving ‘stinky’ handshakes to VP marketing.

    Turn in work early, proofed and corrected.

    Take a mid-afternoon break, go to boss’s house, strip down, crawl into his bed and take a nap. Works better if boss’s wife is out shopping.

    Bring your pet Belgian Draft Horse mare to work, insist on bringing her to your cubicle. Place a single, folded newpaper down, then express surprise at the ‘splash’.

    Take pictures of the boss’s dog. Enlarge. Draw pentagram with lime dust on floor of cubicle, put picture of dog, 3 black candles at N/S/W, and one grey candle at East around the picture. Light the candles. Remove pant, dance in right-turning spiral about pentagram, moaning loudly. Shriek at each of the four (4) cardinal points about the pentagram.

    Pull a ‘Gotta Go, Bob!’ by stripping off, hang clothes in your cubicle. Explain you want to cut down casual interruptions.

16. Infernos

    12 December, 2006, 11:08 am

    Telling the boss after a project goes to hell …. “Your incompetence is not my problem”

17. Mitch

    12 December, 2006, 11:18 am

    Drink Inexpensive beer (Regional. Genny Cream Ale in these parts) and eat lots of Hard Boiled eggs and Fried Bologna.

    Let nature take it’s course.

    Be fired for “Administrative Reasons”. E.G., The cleaning lady Asphyxiated in the Mens room.

18. Franklito

    12 December, 2006, 11:55 am

    1.havin sex with the boss’s daughter in his office,
    2.lettin your pitpul run ra rage in your office tearing everything up and scaring the livin crap out of all the employees. then demandin a raise by threatenin to do it again.
    3.coming to work and forgettin to put clothes on.
    4.arriving 3 hours late and taking a two hour cigarette break then takin lunch right after that to leave early.
    5.throw work in your bosses face and say that wasnt part of the job description. sit back and continue to play solitaire.
    6.photo copy your ass and hand them out to everyone in the office with a message “imn not takin this sh.t no more al yall can kiss my ass”
    7.tellin your boss “your breath smells like shit real loud and cover your nose” then sayin ” i shouldnt be forced to work in these conditions”
    8.keying your boss’s car while hes still in it. but not knowin of course.
    9.eatin everybodys lunch then givin them tips on how to make it better.
    10.walkin up to the first person and just punchin them in the face and yell out “OH YEAH I FEEL BETTER NOW” 🙂

19. adognamedgromit

    12 December, 2006, 12:40 pm

    Laughing at Dilbert cartoons too much.

    “Dilbert, it isn’t a cartoon. It is a documentary”

20. Bjorn Freeh

    12 December, 2006, 1:36 pm

    [Comment ID #81386 will be quoted here]

    Nah… we have plenty of management as it is.

21. girl

    12 December, 2006, 2:08 pm

    Too late. I already got fired a couple of weeks ago. 😛

22. junkman

    12 December, 2006, 2:22 pm

    [Comment ID #81404 will be quoted here]
    wud u do?

23. Knkangaroo

    12 December, 2006, 2:39 pm

    Looking under your uniform, in front of patients, to make sure you put your underwear on…………..

24. donna

    12 December, 2006, 3:40 pm

    setting a list of people that you think the boss should fire on his desk( with his name on top)and a list of your freinds you think would do the jobs better. with you on the top as the boss.to repace him..

25. donna

    12 December, 2006, 3:42 pm

    taking a coworker hucking him with the huck of the crane and lifting him up to the roof.

26. Spud

    12 December, 2006, 3:42 pm

    Nurse!

27. dougieace

    12 December, 2006, 5:37 pm

    this one worked well for my best bud.
    tell your new superviser”your the piece of shit that i have always been afraid id end up working for”

28. mikeB

    12 December, 2006, 6:55 pm

    Sorry, I’m still hung on Mandy’s :thong: and how soon I can hire her

29. tatertot

    12 December, 2006, 7:13 pm

    rubber stamping every thing with BULLSHIT instead of final draft and sending it out with your bosses signature on it.

30. alecto

    12 December, 2006, 7:33 pm

    Make your co-workers do really stupid stuff while you tape them secretly. Then, either blackmail them or send it to Americas Funniest Home Videos 😈 Just be sure to have a kick-ass team of lawyers behind you every step of the way.

31. Drusky

    12 December, 2006, 8:39 pm

    [Comment ID #81390 will be quoted here]

    Along those same lines, using tape to mark off the ‘walls’ of your office and yelling at your boss when he/she/it walks in without knocking…

    Attend important meetings and sit there laughing like Bevis & Butthead…
    “Uhhh, heh heh heh! He said it! He said ‘hard drive…’ ” 😈

32. Drusky

    12 December, 2006, 8:43 pm

    [Comment ID #81422 will be quoted here]
    Alas, Mike… We probably couldn’t afford her salary…

    😆

33. Night Queen

    12 December, 2006, 9:07 pm

    Buy a chocolate coffee creamer bottle from International Delight and replacing the chocolate creamer with either Bailey’s Chocolate, Bailey’s Chocolate Mint, or actual Kahlua. When the boss asks why this taste like it has alcohol in it, I’ll say,”well, I always thought we should drink to our excess,I mean success!” :java: 😆

34. adognamedgromit

    13 December, 2006, 12:09 am

    But of course if you do anything like this must involve winning the lottery in a big way first. You know tweak the boss’s nose and then move to the Caribbean.

    I don’t have anything that would get me fired.
    But I did at one time make a cubical periscope to see if my neighbor was in or not.
    :java: :java: :java: 😆

35. Tara

    13 December, 2006, 1:41 am

    First off, number seven is soooo totally me!

    Second of all, I have always wanted to follow some of my hygiene deficient coworkers out of the communal bathroom yelling, “Didn’t wash hands!”

    Third, attempt to slide from one end of office to the other end using only newly waxed floors and socks. (I actually did this.)

36. wildblackflower

    14 December, 2006, 7:40 am
37. wildblackflower

    14 December, 2006, 7:42 am

    SORRY I”M LATE(replying to this question). Oh yeah, that’s why I was fired supposedly after rejecting my boss’ sexual advances. 😳

38. girl

    14 December, 2006, 1:46 pm

    [Comment ID #81406 will be quoted here]

    nothing worth getting fired over, that’s for sure. long story short, bitch manager threw 7 employees under the bus for doing the same thing that she did, but she lied about it and we didn’t. feh. if anything, it should be been a slap on a wrist followed by a “don’t do that” but they chose to clean house, right before the holidays. assholes.

    😡

39. girl

    14 December, 2006, 1:47 pm

    hahaha. ooops. I quoted the wrong comment. teehee. ahem. that was supposed to be [Comment ID #81405 will be quoted here].

    oh man. that’s really funny.

40. adognamedgromit

    02 January, 2007, 8:38 am

    dilbert example
    http://news.yahoo.com/comics/070102/cx_dilbert_umedia/20070201

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