Pets vs. Babies
Cats prefer baby toys to their own Babies prefer cat toys to their own Pugs will graciously eat dirty diapers, lightening the garbage load, but making for an interesting back yard cleanup.
Best New Top Level Domain Names
Ever since ICANN allowed companies to create new top-level domains (TLDs) such as .Pepsi or .duckface (at the staggering cost of US$185,000 + US$25,000 for annual upkeep), I thought it would be fun to come up with some suggestions for corporations to buy. www.www.www notguilty.oj dot.dot polka.bikini tobeornotto.be ithinkthereforei.am erhmagerda.meme bigthreeautos.suck america.fat Kanye.ego MileyCyrus.trainwreck ancient-history.madonna Which ones did I miss?
Can’t win.
I got all excited because tomorrow night, Daylight Saving Time ends. Then my wife reminded me that our baby won't likely adhere to that and we'll still be up at the crack of dawn. Damn.
What the what?
I'm not sure what jungle Katy Perry's "Roar" video was shot in, but it seems to have South African Elephants, Egyptian Baboons, Central American Capuchin Monkeys and Indian Bengal Tigers.
Hospital Fun
Ask your nurse for some apple juice. Pour it into a urine specimen jar. Nonchalantly walk down the aisles, sipping it. After an operation on [some body part], wake up from the anesthesia and ask, "So how is my [unrelated body part]?" Schedule gurney races down the hallways of ER. Try to beat EMTs with critical patients. Bonus points for having racing stripes, flames or real exhaust. Ask the nurse for a cocktail umbrella and fruit for your urine sample. You know, to make it look Klassy. When you wake up from anesthesia, pretend to speak a different language. Look…
Stop it Bennie. I can’t breathe.
Some days my pug's gas is both lethal and plentiful. If I don't finish this post, you'll kn
Fuck the duck
Is it just me, or does anyone else wish that stupid Aflac duck died from his injuries? I hate those commercials!
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