Year: 2007

Britney Spears Guide to Succesful Parenting Gene Simmons Golden Book of Celibacy Jokes to tell your grandmother, by Gilbert Godfrey Michael Jackon’s Makeup Secrets Rosie O’Donnell’s Art of Being a Lady An Illustrated History of Modesty by Paris Hilton Johnny Cash’s Guide to a More Colorful You Michael Vick’s Big Book of Pets Better English…

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The ability to remove the fizz from all carbonated beverages in a two mile radius The ability to destroy two evils that have plagued mankind for ages: soap scum and dust bunnies A duo with the ability to turn themselves into a tasteful pair of Pottery Barn book ends The ability to warp time such…

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Stuff the turkey with packing peanuts Schedule the cable TV to be disconnected during the 3rd quarter of the game Replace your grandparents’ decaf with double espresso Melt double salt licorice in the mashed potatoes. You know, for kids! If asked to bring pie and whipped cream, show up naked under a trenchcoat with several…

New shoes are the natural repository for cats to vomit into Your current reading material is the most comfortable place to take a nap There is no cupboard door made that cannot be pried open with a paw The ideal surface for removing clingy cat litter from paws is a laptop keyboard If it can…

When the holidays come around, we are once again called upon to perform a duty which I feel should be made illegal as soon as possible: entertaining relatives. As that is not likely to happen in my lifetime, it is incumbent upon us to take matters in our own hands. Here are some solutions I…