More people we dislike #13: Long queue edition

The earth mother who holds up the entire queue by taking 18 minutes to arrange her carry-on in the overhead compartment, and then complains that the flight is late taking off The prat who holds up the line at the coffeehouse by demanding a 142° latte. As if they can tell. The senior citizen who unfolds 39 crumpled coupons for the cashier (all of which expired a decade ago), and demands they be honored. The buffoon at the ATM who makes everyone wait because she doesn't know her PIN. The screaming brat who holds up the line through the X-Ray…

Open letter to Continental Airlines

Dear Continental, First of all let me thank you for all the exciting new terms I learned this week, while traveling on your aircraft. News to me: I thought "departure" meant "the time the plane will leave". I now know that it means, "the time we decide to announce that your plane will be two hours late." I thought a "Priority" sticker on luggage meant it would arrive first. I now know that it means "Low Priority" and will arrive last on the baggage carousel. I thought "baggage handling" meant by humans, not Hellboy. I guess the old Samsonite ads…

What is it?

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Caption Time #144

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Good advice

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But do they accept credit cheese?

Some travel hints (in Engrish) from around the world: We will now be serving snakes. [Singapore Airlines] Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please Wear your Clothes. [Korean Steel Mill] Toilet Gents (Ladies Also) [Sign in Bangkok] AEROFLOT: Introducing wide boiled aircraft for your comfort. [Ad for a Soviet Airline] Akita to Okinawa. Non-Stop Fright. [Ad for JAS Airline in Japan] Please Stop the Cock Uptight! [Urinal sign in Japan] Invisible service is available for your rest being not disturbed. [Yuanfei Hotel, China] At the cashier's counter, kindly note that personal cheese are not accepted. [Note in the Imperial…

Fashion Tips for the Clueless

For the Gents (written by Davezilla) Experimental facial hair will warm the jowls and frighten the fair sex. "Prison-bitch" pants went the way of the Dodo. Take note. There is a fine line between looking ruggedly unshaven and looking like you've spent a weekend bender with Gary Busey. "Manpris" (capris for men) can only be worn by Belgian hairdressers. There is a finite limit to the number of clip-on electronic devices that you can acceptably wear, and that number is zero. For the Ladies (written by Natalie) Only vagabonds and homeless are allowed to wear more than three layers at…

Caption Time #143

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How to speak in Programmer

When they say: "The SMTP mail server may be acting erratically today." They really mean: "Turn me down for a date, will you? See if you get email anymore." When they say: "Is that really a good user experience?" They really mean: "You're cutting into my World of Warcraft time." When they say: "You haven't provided the proper documentation." They really mean: "I've ruined the project. I plan on blaming you. Somehow." When they say: "That's not a feasible timeframe." They really mean: "You're cutting into my World of Warcraft time." When they say: "I like your t-shirt." They really…

Possible new jobs for Donald Rumsfeld

President of the Liars Club Hidden Mine Finder New Orleans Levee Inspector Internet's First Spam Editor Toilet Paper Roll Holder for the Iraqi government Anal Toy Tester Barbara Bush's newest lawn ornament Stunt double for Carrot Top Bullshit Taster What jobs do you think he should apply for? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online…

Our next line of defense…

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What I hate when I have a migraine

Anyone operating a lawnmower, chainsaw, leafblower, snowblower, weed wacker; anything with a two stroke engine Anyone playing music I dislike Anyone with a brightly lit office Anyone walking loudly on the floor above me Anyone with too much cologne Anyone with garlicky food Anything that barks Anything that sings Anyone that is too perky Anyone who denies me chocolate or coffee (woe be unto them, for there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth) Anyone wearing any color other than black Anyone capable of speech Anyone enjoying themselves in my presence Anything resembling a phone, or capable of ringing, chirping…