Caption Time #131

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I’m thankful that…

…trees have bark, but even more thankful that trees cannot bark …penises don't make a "boing" sound upon becoming erect …my teeth have never caught fire …organized religions aren't contagious …"you are what you eat" isn't literal …there's no time limit on finishing a book before it explodes …I'm not neighbors with Britney Spears …Mudskippers are not the dominant species on earth …Jules Verne was wrong What are you thankful for? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women…

Car loses 3 hit points

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On Notice!

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Caption Time #130

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Notes to Self: No. 6,014-6,017

Do not accidentally click on the iDVD button while looking at photos in iPhoto. All 4,000+ photos will try to load themselves into a movie clip at the same time, and that's just wrong. No matter how tempting, do not tickle cat when her rear claws are positioned above your scrotum. Seriously. If it looks like it will topple off the shelf onto your head, it will. For the love of God, stop eating white cheese before bedtime. It makes you dream your girlfriend is turning into a pink goblin or a yodeling finger monkey.

Gangs of Mew York

I was walking my cat today (yes, she heels like a dog), and noticed that outside, she gets the same lost look that foreigners get in an airport. Granted, she's been an indoor cat for 16 years so this is a new thing to her. I started wondering if other cats notice her dazed expression, too. Do outdoor cats look at indoor cats and see an easy mark the way con artists do? "Hey, look at the fresh meat. Heeeeeey, chica." "You lost, pretty girl? C'mere baby. I help you find home." "Bitch, I will f*ck your shit up. Where…

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Elaborate Restaurant Hoax

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Quite a workout!

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20 things to do by age 40

Swallow a bug while bicycling Swallow a bug as part of a foreign dish Become embarrassed by a coworker's singing Wedgie a close friend, possibly of the opposite sex Poke a badger with a spoon Take off your clothes in front of the wrong person Go an entire day without noticing that your: Shirt is inside out Pants have an unidentifiable stain on it Collar has lipstick on it Socks don't match Face is only partially shaved Instant message a complete stranger with government conspiracy theories Let a penguin loose at work Order fast food from a drive thru, while…