Year: 2005

Crushed underfoot by a parade of Megatherium Knocked into the middle of next week, just like that drunk guy threatened Deadly nostril-flaring contest with Judd Nelson Fatal spork stabbing Entertained to death by puppets Severe salad-making injury Mistaken for a GI Joe doll by a giant child and subsequently beheaded and melted down Coding the…

A home pregnancy test and a wedding ring Surgical hoses, clamps and formaldehyde Heavy-duty garbage bags and a shovel A cross, a hammer, a loincloth and three nails A circus monkey and an axe A vat of motor oil, 50 friends and a bikini with a contestant number Prosthetic limbs, a saw and a heavily-bookmarked…

Two men at Starbucks are discussing the Iraq war behind me. One is blaming Iraqi doctors for all of the suicide bombings. My ears prick up as this is an angle I had not heard on the news. Man 2: “Where did you get that information? I’ve never heard anything about doctors being involved!” Man…

I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day. I will not leave Sharpies in my pockets on laundry day……